With love, from Dan

The past several weeks have gone by incredibly fast. After five months of living in Los Angeles both of us agree that we are feeling pretty settled in. Great jobs, great home, getting to know our way around and eating so much amazing vegan food.

While all of this has been going on I have neglected to write about so much. You can fill in the blank for what "so much" I mean, as there sure is a lot going on in the world, in our country, and in our communities.

As 2015 comes to an end I just had to write to all of you who have been so supportive of me and us and this blog and send a simple message of love.

Big love. With a huge dash of gratitude.

To each and every one of you.

There is an intense amount of hate and injustice going on in this world.

And if any of that ever gets you down, please remember that The Gay Vegans have your back. We are all in this together.

And just to be clear, that is BIG LOVE I am sending you.

Thank you, from deep in my soul, for all of your love and support. It means so much. And together we can do so much more.

Thank you for reading!

From Kentucky to Syria

What a week.

There is so much being said and written about what happened this week in a small town in Kentucky. And then there is the refugee crisis in Europe as thousands continue to flee the violence and persecution in Syria.

It is a wonderful chance to be a voice for the voiceless.

As anti-gay bigots gathered in Kentucky to celebrate the release of Kim Davis, the county clerk found in contempt of court and jailed for refusing to issue marriage licenses to gay couples, I kept thinking of gay couples around the country who still do not feel safe in their communities. Watching a man scream "sodomites" at gay people gathered at the court house I shook my head and wanted to do something for people who have to live in a place where such bigotry is rampant.

Across the Atlantic, tens of thousands of refugees face similar bigoted situations. Let's start by calling them migrants. That sounds better when refusing to care for them in any way. In fact, they are people like you and me, whose very lives are at risk because of who they are, where they live or what they believe. They want to live. They want their children to be safe.

In both cases bigotry is at high levels. Whether it is in the name of Jesus or in the name of nationalism, the way people are being treated disgusts me.

We can speak out. On social media, with our friends and neighbors, and with our check books. We must speak out against bigotry and for compassion.

Love one another.

Kentucky and Syria might seem like far away places, yet what is happening in these places can happen anywhere. We can be silent or we can be their voice.

Thanks for reading.

Marriage equality happens. Now what?

Ecstatic is an understatement.

Add emotional and a few other feelings and you have what I feel now and really felt last Friday upon getting the news about the US Supreme Court ruling in regards to marriage equality.

Mike and I were married ten years ago in a ceremony we called " a loving act of civil disobedience" as we married in our home state of Colorado where marriage was not legal. Last year we went to our favorite beach (Torrey Pines in San Diego) and were legally wed.

Watching couples in Michigan, Ohio, North Dakota and Georgia brought on a flood of tears.

Of course not everyone is happy with the decision. The unhappiness began on the Court itself with those who dissented.

From Republican Presidential candidates to pastors to folks who just don't like gay people (including the previously mentioned), I have heard it all.

Here's what I have to say to those who are demonizing gay people and continuing the spiritual genocide against us:

No gay couple would want to be married by an anti-gay religious person in an anti-gay place of worship. So please stop with the fearmongoring about being forced to wed gay couples. No thank you.

We will continue to fight against hate and bigotry. Some of us are seasoned after living through the HIV/AIDS epidemic and dealing with so much bigotry against those with HIV/AIDS and then the ridiculous fight to be equal under the law in regards to marriage. And now we have some free time.

Traditional marriage. From the Old Testament? Multiple wives? Marrying teenagers? What exactly is traditional marriage? Marriage these days determines benefits and rights amongst couples. It shows the highest form of a couple's commitment. That's why I chose to marry my husband. And although we had a religious ceremony, I would be fine with a civil marriage.

Some Christians have said some terrible things about marriage and about gay people. There are more divorced heterosexuals in the U.S. than there are gay people but the hate does not extend to them.

There is something powerful in kindness. There is something powerful in love. I will continue to fight for equality and against bigotry, prejudice and hate. I won't demonize those against me, but I will not remain silent either.

More to come on this topic.

I'd like to close by saying thank you to all of those who have expressed kindness to us. I am truly grateful. The U.S. Supreme Court decision was intense for us for many reasons. We are still smiling.

Thanks for reading.

A huge day in Ireland!

I made a quick video to share my thoughts on today's vote in Ireland that could bring marriage equality to the land of my ancestors.

Huge day for Ireland!

I have been emotional all week. I have many times thought that the Irish blood that runs through my veins is part of why I am an activist and one who fights to make the world a better and safer place for all living beings.

The Vote Yes campaign has been incredible. Lots of families talking about supporting a son or dad or nephew or neighbor. Lots of people talking about kindness. And love. And liberty.

And today is the day!

Thanks for reading!

Go for it!

Right now.

Don't wait.

Life is way too short.

Write that editorial. Call a friend you haven't checked in with for months. Make an amends. Say you're sorry. Forgive. Go on that blind date or make a date night with your love.

Plan a vegan potluck. Plan a protest.

Take a trip. Vietnam? Ireland? Colombia? The mountains. A beach. A back country trip.

We all work so hard. We all are so busy. We can't forget to live.

And live well.

Thanks for reading.

Make someone's day today!

I am celebrating my 49th birthday today!

I am honestly filled with an intense amount of love and gratitude.

I am thinking of so many who played a huge part in helping me become the man I am who are no longer here physically.

I am thinking of all of those who rock my life who are here. Those who love me, teach me, hold me dear, and support me.

I am thinking of the world I live in and the commitment I make daily to make it a safer, more loving place for all living beings.

Will you help me celebrate my 49th birthday today by making someone's day?

It doesn't matter how. And I don't need to leave a list of suggestions. You know what you can do. And I'm sure by the time you read this post you will have thought of several people whose day you could make.

Thank you!

And thanks for reading.

My 14 faves of '14: #13

I am saving the top two for last of my list of faves for '14.

I realize this is very general, but I have to say that my friends and family totally make my list of faves for '14.

To my friends, you are my chosen family.

To all of you, I simply cannot imagine my life or this world without you.

You love me. You support me. You call me out on my craziness.

You say the sweetest, kindest things.

You are a huge part of why I love my life so much, and why my life is so amazing.

And you know who you are. You called me. You dropped by my office. You hung out with me and Mike. You dropped a note on Facebook. You made a donation to one of my causes. You spoke out for those with no voice. I might not have seen you in years, but I know you are there.

And I love you.

Thanks for reading.

Today I got pissed off

I have been vegan for 18 years. I have been out of the closet (openly gay) since 1990for 24 years.

So I am used to dealing with folks who are openly and verbally judgmental towards vegans/veganism and gays/sexual minorities.

Being used to it, many times I just shrug it off. Sometimes I engage in a kind way, especially when it comes to legal marriage or what the Bible says about married gay men living in the 21st century who want to have sex. Or when someone asks "do they really hurt the animals?"

And seldom does this negativity get to me.

Until the other day.

When talking about leaving some vegan food aside for a future day, someone I do not know said "well you definitely don't need to worry about me touching it!" They just said it, not directed to me, but as a public announcement.

Inside I became enraged. Like, WTF. Like, was that really necessary?

The rage stayed inside me for hours. It was tough to let go.

I did, finally.

I do not want to be angry, or carry anger. I don't understand why people judge or shame or ridicule. I don't like it. So the easiest thing for me is to not become those people.

After all, I can't change people. I can only control me.

I like being kind and loving. And I like being vegan and gay.

Thanks for reading.

Hating gays because of religion

He died this week. He spent much of his life spreading hate towards gays and lesbians. He became famous for colorful signs with big letters that read such nice things as "God hates fags" amongst other things.

If you don't believe in Jesus or heaven, his meaning to you might just be that he spoke out against gay people all of the time.

What I have always talked about in regards to this man and his band of people who traveled around the country with these signs is that what he is saying is no different than what many pastors say in the pulpit every Sunday.

No different.

Yet he got all of the attention. Maybe it was the colorful signs. Maybe "God hates fags" has a more offensive meaning than " if you are gay and have gay sex you are going to hell".

In churches, synagogues and mosques all over the country religious leaders condemn gay people. We are called sinners. We are called unnatural. We are called deviants. In some religious places we are called fags and faggots.

Regardless, there is no difference. The man who died this week said horrible things about gay people, and horrible things about anyone who came close to saying anything nice or supportive about gay people. The same things are said about us by other religious leaders.

So can we start calling them out too? Can we start telling them how awful the things they are saying are and how hurtful they can be.

If you believe in Jesus and you believe that what the Bible says regarding homosexuals means we are all going to hell, that's one thing. Vile hate or supporting laws that take away our freedom and liberty just doesn't work for me.

And please, do not hate in the name of Jesus. If you hate on gay people either with words or actions, please distance yourself from Jesus.

Mr. "God hates fags" has met his maker. In my belief system he sure has been surprised.

Thank you for reading.

Our legal marriage Part II

Legally married!

Mike and I were legally married on February 14th at 4:31pm at Torrey Pines State Beach in San Diego.

Although we had already married in our church in 2005, and we both have said that this was just to make it legal, it was honestly one of the most amazing moments in my life.

The day before our ceremony we went to the San Diego County Clerk office to get our marriage license. In California you have to make an appointment for your license. We were both giddy. The clerk helping us was amazingly friendly, and there was a gay couple getting married by a judge. It couldn't have been any better. A world where two men getting a marriage license was no big deal.

Getting our marriage license!

The next day we were fortunate to be able to hang out with Lisa all day, and Jim took half a day off and joined us mid-day. We got dressed in our Hawaiian wedding shirts and off we went to the ocean.

A few minutes before the ceremony a thick fog rolled in and took a very sunny day and made it definitely not sunny. But it was gorgeous.

Just after the ceremony when we could see the sun again.

We gathered with our friends Jim and Lisa and their children as Jim prepared to marry us. I was

nervous. Ten years with Mike and nine years being married to him and I was nervous.

The ceremony was incredible. Jim was the perfect person to legally marry us and brought all of his love and compassion to the ceremony.

After a couple of poems and a couple of Bible passages read, Mike and I shared our vows.

I was in tears on and off. I was finally legally marrying the love of my life. My best friend. My good and perfect gift from God.

To all of you who have sent so much love our way, thank you! And thank you for reading this!

Let freedom ring

I remember the first time I heard a religious extremist in the US call herself a patriot. And those agreeing with her hateful rhetoric also called themselves patriots.

Religious extremists in the US like to talk about things like that, and use words like freedom and liberty often.

Many of them point to Jesus as they use hate speech to condemn gay people or anyone who might support equal rights for gay people.

I was thinking of this today when reading about the governor of Missouri who supports a bill that is friendly to gay people in his state. A state senator has called for his impeachment.

Read comments on any story about gay marriage or some of the recent rulings around state constitutional bans of gay marriage and you can see that hatred towards gays and lesbians is strong, and very much alive in our country.

Most folks show this type of hatred in the name of Jesus. They say they love Jesus so they have to treat their gay and lesbian brothers and sisters in despicable ways. They have to call us names and treat us in a manner that quite frankly is hurtful.

Faggot. Homo. Pervert. Deviant.

In the name of Jesus. In the name of freedom and liberty.

Marriage equality is happening. It's right, it's just, and it's all about freedom and liberty.

One can have opinions against marriage equality, but one cannot force others to live within those opinions. What some call religious freedom I call bigotry because their religious freedom doesn't include me or my religious beliefs.

This is personal to me. I am in a state that I do not live in to get legally married to the love of my life because we cannot get legally married in our own state. Our marriage here in California won't even be recognized in Colorado. Yet.

It will one day. Soon I believe. With all of the fighting against marriage equality the reality is that it's going to happen. That the millions of dollars spent to stop marriage equality and the extremism expressed to discourage marriage equality will all result in equality throughout our amazing nation.

To all of those who support equality, thank you. And please keep voicing your opinion. Call out bigotry in any form. In a loving way of course.

We all have more in common than not.

Thank you for reading.

Our legal marriage

It is difficult at best to write about becoming legally married without getting tears in my eyes.

Tomorrow I will legally marry the love of my life. I call Mike my good and perfect gift from God.

With all of my brokenness as a human being, I have grown with Mike and because of Mike, have learned how to love on a level I never knew existed, have become more willing to let go and to truly care about another human being in a way I never knew was possible.

We were married in our church in front of friends and family in 2005. Tomorrow we will marry in front of a small group of friends at a place that is so special to us. And this time it will be legal, acknowledged by the state of California and the US government. It will be as legal as any heterosexual couple married in California the same day.

The support we have gotten has been incredible. Even from total strangers. The gals who gave us hair cuts yesterday were ecstatic that they were able to be a part of our day. I couldn't believe the happiness they exuded as we told him that we were both getting married on Friday, and yes, to each other.

The love from our friends and family and those who read our blog has been incredible.

As a 48 year old man who has been publicly out since he was 21, I admit I am a little jaded. Being gay has not always been a great conversation starter. Even today there are many who dislike and even hate gay people. They hide behind their holy book when in fact the truth is that they just do not want to live in a world where people like me and Mike exist.

I am tolerant of someones opinions that are contrary to mine when it comes to sexuality, equality and freedom. My tolerance ends when they believe that their beliefs should trump mine or quite honestly affect my life in any way.

Their hate is unfortunate. It is also unacceptable. As I become legally married, I will of course continue to always speak out against hate and intolerance.

If you would be so kind to do so, please think of us at 4:31pm Pacific Time as we legally marry. Send us your love, thoughts, prayers, meditations.

Thank you.

Legal marriage: February 14, 2014

I had always hoped the day would come when Mike and I would legally be married.

On April 30, 2005 we got married here in Denver at our church with 160 friends and family joining us. We called it a "loving act of civil disobedience" which in the eyes of the government of Colorado and the US government is what it was. To me it was the best day of my life, marrying the love of my life, my best friend, and committing to him all that I am, good and bad. It is a day that I think of every day and will think of for the rest of my life.

Last year, marriage equality became the law of the land in many more states as well as the reality regarding federal recognition for couples married in those states. Mike and I began to talk about getting legally married. While in San Diego this summer, we decided that that was where we wanted to marry, specifically at Torrey Pines State Beach on the cliffs overlooking the Pacific.

We chatted with our amazing friends Jim and Lisa about it (they live there) and after some planning decided on February 14th as the date, with our friend Jim doing the honors. Mike and I will drive to San Diego from Lakewood on the 12th, get our marriage license on the 13th (also my birthday) and then get legal on the 14th!

I am so excited!

Although it will only be Mike, myself, Jim, Lisa and their two children, we intend to invite family and friends to think of us, to join us with their loving thoughts, at the time of the service. We have had the big wedding and this will be a quiet, loving ceremony, one that will end with Jim signing our marriage license! Just thinking about it is bringing tears to my eyes!

Our marriage will not be recognized in Colorado. We can get a civil union here if we want. We haven't decided on that yet.

The day after we'll head to Los Angeles for a celebration dinner with some friends, and then home.

We haven't set the time yet, but when we do I'll let you know. We would love, and be honored, to have you thinking of us when this happens.

Thanks for reading. And thanks for your constant kindness, love and support!

Kindness rocks

If you are connected to anyone via social media who is even just slightly out about their opinions, your feeds might look like mine in that they contain a lot of back and forth with harsh judgements, criticisms and just plain unkindness.

As I wrote in my last post, there is a lot going on in our country. While a 17 year old high school student, Claire Davis, lost her battle against a bullet shot into her head by a fellow student over  a week ago, tens of thousands of Americans are calling each other names and expressing viewpoints that might be hurtful to others. Forget the love of Christmas or the joy of Winter Solstice, many people are just consumed with opinion, judgement and unkindness.

It is not difficult to be kind to another human being.

As much as I speak up for animals, equality, those living in poverty and those suffering from human rights abuses, I end up running into a lot of disagreement. I get called names and get told to go to certain places.

And I try to be kind back to the person. Most times I succeed. I succeed because its not difficult.

I also know that during the holidays we tend to spend more time with family, or others that might push our buttons. I've read that more people come out of the closet to their family during this time than at any other time of the year. Talk about stress!

I choose to act with kindness. This week that looks like this:

Hanging out in an animal shelter cleaning cages and walking dogs.

Giving a gift to someone who doesn't expect a gift.

Saying hello with a smile to someone I don't know. (If you know me, you know I do this all of the time. Thanks Mom!)

Reminding friends and family how much I love them!

We do not have to meet hate with hate or unkindness with unkindness.

Thanks for reading!

Utah, ducks, free speech oh my!

What a week! I was completely taken by surprise when I saw a news flash yesterday that was about a federal judge ruling that the ban on same sex marriage was unconstitutional. What? And then before I knew it I was looking at a photo of a couple getting married in Salt Lake City. The mayor was marrying them!

The day before, the New Mexico Supreme Court had unanimously ruled that same sex marriage was legal in New Mexico.

If you know your geography, New Mexico is directly south of us and Utah is directly west of us. Salt Lake City is only an eight our drive; Santa Fe five.

Meanwhile, it seems many people are talking about a dude who shoots ducks for a TV show. Apparently he doesn't dig gay people. And he thinks God doesn't dig gay people.

What a conversation this has started. Folks outraged about free speech, many of whom I guess don't even know what free speech is. My understanding, which could be wrong, is that if you say something and the government is crashing down your door that night, dragging you out on the street and then puts a bullet in your head, well that is an infraction against free speech.

Dude lost his job, at least for now. Many Christians are in an uproar. Through all their anger, I haven't heard Jesus brought up at all.

Those gays, they have more rights than us!

People are seriously saying this.

Meanwhile, I am trying to remain peaceful and loving towards all. It goes back to believing that we all have more in common than not.

I don't have to like what you say or like what you do towards others. But I don't have to hate you for it. I can let you know how I feel, hopefully in a loving way, but I'm not going to embrace your hatred.

Thanks for reading!

The ugliness of hate

It was October of 1998 when I saw hate close to my community. It wasn't the first or last time, but was intense and horrifying. A couple of months after moving from Norfolk, VA to Denver, a young, gay college student named Matthew Shepard was beaten to death in Laramie, WY, a 2 1/2 hour drive from my cozy, safe apartment within a gay-friendly neighborhood in Denver.

I was shocked as the details of the beating of Matthew became public. Then a couple of days later he died in a hospital in Fort Collins.

To be fair, there is a new book about Matthew's murder that has just been published. I haven't read it. Apparently it's about Matthew's beating and murder not being about his sexuality.

From everything I had heard and read before I will find that difficult to believe. I'll let you know if I end up reading the book.

A year before I moved to Denver an African immigrant named Oumar Dia from Senegal had left the Hyatt (which is where I worked when arriving in Denver) and was waiting for a bus home. This was right across the street from the hotel. He was shot to death by a white supremacist who said to him "Are you ready to die for being a nigger?".

I had personally experienced hate and hate-inspired violence before. Oh, and hate speech. Fag, faggot, fucking faggot, fairy were words that had been yelled at to me in my past. Once I was out of the closet I was out. No more going back in regardless of how uncomfortable that made people feel.

One is not born with hate. One is taught hate. Whether it's hatred towards gay folk, women, people of color, immigrants... the list could go on and on.

I believe that hatred and hate-filled acts happen because someone did not say something. No one spoke up to say hey, your way of thinking is messed up. Someone laughed at a joke that wasn't funny. Someone used a disparaging word just to feel comfortable with others or to look "cool".

Hate is present in every community. You don't have to accept it or allow it.

Each of us has the power to stop it.

Thanks for reading!

Loving on Cassidy Campbell, first transgender homecoming queen!

I am thrilled to take a break from VeganMofo and write a brief post about what just happened last night at Marina High School in Huntington Beach, California!

Sixteen year old Cassidy Campbell had the guts to enter the contest for homecoming queen.

That courage blows me away. When nationwide, hate and violence are shown towards many in the transgender community, a young transgender woman enters a school-wide contest.

And she won.

As one who was miserable in high school I don't get the whole homecoming thing. I do get courage. And honesty. And honor. And I definitely get the feeling of who you are on the inside does not jive with who you present yourself to be on the outside.

"If I win, it would mean that the school recognizes me as the gender I always felt I was," Cassidy said in an interview with the Los Angeles Times. "But with all the attention, I realized it's bigger than me," she said. "I'm doing this for the kids who can't be themselves."

With all of the hate in the world, with all of the hate just in our own country and our own communities, I just had to share this.

Thanks for reading!

Good people and kindness

In Denver we have the light rail, kind of like a train. I call it the train. It's mass transit. And a couple of weeks ago the line running west opened. I am in love with taking this to work. I am totally fortunate that my employer buys me a pass. So last week I took it four days and this week I started taking it with my bike. So I ride to the station and then from the drop off point downtown I ride to work. It is totally awesome.

Yesterday I was waiting for a guy to get on the train and he stopped and motioned me to go. So nice. He waited until I got my bike on and he got seated and then started talking about how much he loves the light rail. I was in total agreement. We chatted until his stop and then he said something that was so refreshing:

"Thank you for you kindness."

Wow.

Mike and I are big fans of "The Amazing Race" TV show, the one where I think nine teams race around the world. Sunday was the finale and we watched the first half, in which one of our favorite teams was eliminated. In their goodbye video one of the women said something that hit me:

"We've traveled all over the world and everywhere we went their were nice and loving people."

Everywhere.

I agree with them. As an activist and as someone who tries to be a voice for all of the voiceless, it does seem sometimes that there are more "not loving" people than there are loving people. I try to bring love and kindness to every interaction I have. Not always easy. As a gay vegan who gives  a crap about little things like equality, animal torture, and oppression, I have gotten my share of hate, yelling and judgment. Some times it's right in my face and others it's behind my back.

Yet I still believe, as the women do who were on "The Amazing Race", that there are a lot of good people in the world. They might not be on the same path as I am, they might not know all about veganism or animal cruelty or the spiritual genocide of gay people, yet in their daily lives they try to do good. And like me, many of them try to be better people all of the time.

Food for thought.

Today I rode my bike from the office to get coffee. On my way back I was casually riding, listening to an awesome song and feeling blissful. I rode by anotherr guy on his bike, waved and said good morning. His smile covered his whole face. I don't know him at all. I don't know if he's vegan or gay friendly or cares about anything other than himself. I do know that on his way to wherever he was going this morning, he encountered kindness.

I hope you do too.

And I hope you show kindness in any form today.

Thank you for reading.

Vegans dating non-vegans?

I was on Twitter today and read a tweet from a young woman who is vegan and is having challenges in her relationship with her boyfriend who is not vegan.

In the 17 years of being vegan I have heard this a lot, and have even heard that people who are vegan should not date people who are not vegan.

That is super crazy for me.

In the gay male world of Colorado there would have been slim pickings for dating if I had stuck to only men who were vegan. Fortunately for me I never asked guys if they were vegan before a date. I would have never dated and fallen in love with Mike had I chosen to only date vegan men.

I totally get the allure of dating only vegan people. It shows they are loving, compassionate and at least on some levels have something in common with you. The again, people choose to go vegan for many reasons. Mine was to do as least harm as possible while experiencing this thing we call life. I want no part in animal cruelty.

For Mike and I, we met at our church. Our first date was a movie, dinner and then dancing. For dinner we went to PF Changs and he ordered his first on-purpose vegan meal. He didn't really know what a vegan was before we started dating and was curious.

For me and dating it was always trying to be in the moment. Of course if it ever got to the point where I would live with somebody and they were not vegan I would have to ask for rules around no former living beings in the house. I never had to do that.

My ex became veg before we moved in together. Mike became vegan long before we even talked about living together or even getting married.

A little over a month after we began dating Mike became vegetarian for my Valentine's Day gift. He told me while we were on a sweet date night. He had not really eaten meat in front of me since we began dating, maybe once, but I don't remember it if he did.

So it boils down to mutual respect. If you know that eating meat bothers me, and you are interested in dating me, perhaps you won't eat meat in front of me. It's really not that big of a deal. Especially if you totally dig me!

Mike continued being a vegetarian for a couple of months. Then, in April, he became vegan as a birthday gift to himself. Not for me, for him and the animals.

There are many people out there who might be an amazing date/time/life partner for you. They may not have all of the information around animal cruelty that you do. They may have never had a conversation with someone about veganism or what veganism even is.

I say that if you are single and meet someone you think right off is pretty nice, go for it.

Respect. Love. Compassion. And of course passion! It all doesn't come instantly, but with the right person it comes.

Thank you so much for reading this! I would totally love your feedback!

Friends? Re-evaluating relationships.

WARNING: After editing this and re-reading it several times, I have realized that this can feel like a pretty heavy post. After all, it's about relationships!

Mike and I were at church today and the sermon hit me really well, in a good way.

For a while I have been thinking about friendship, and what that means, as opposed to say, an acquaintance.

Back in January when I was laid off I got a nice dose of reality around who my true friends were. Not that true friends who didn't reach out to say they could help didn't exist. I know people are busy and a friend losing a job may not be a time when you want to reach out. The amazing thing, and something I will be forever grateful for, is that so many of my friends did reach out, did check in, did ask if they could help in any way.

All of the love and support I received simply blew me away.

And then there are those friends I am connected with on Facebook. Recently I have seen a couple of them at different events and they couldn't even swing by to say hi. Have you read those posts on Facebook or Twitter that talk about not investing in relationships that you put a lot into but the other person doesn't? I forget the exact saying, but do you get the idea.

That pegs me directly.

I do get that a friend on Facebook may or may not be an actual "friend". I am trying to go in that direction though, where all of my Facebook friends are actual friends. 

Putting more into a relationship than the other person does gets old. I'm 47, have done that most of my life, and as healthy people say, "that doesn't serve me well anymore".

Where am I going with this? Friendship is a two way street. If both parties (and I include myself in this) don't want to give to the relationship, then perhaps the friendship is not that important to both people. Which is not a bad thing. If the relationship is important, well then maybe it's time to reach out for coffee, dinner, a hike.

I just realized that a friend of mine might be reading this and thinking that they need to reach out. Please don't, unless you were going to connect anyway. This is not about any one person, it's about me feeling like I give a lot to something/someone that isn't interested in giving back, or in giving at all.

My friends and family have been uber supportive these past few months. The reality is that true friends and good family always are supportive and loving. They may not call all the time and you may not see them often, but they are there. And when you need them the most, you know it.

There are some people in my life who are important to me who may not know it. I need to change that. There are others who for some reason or another are just not close anymore. That's cool, as long as I haven't done anything to hurt them or to piss them off.

Whew! What a post. Thank you so much for reading. Can you relate to any of this? I would LOVE your feedback, at least so that I know I'm not totally crazy!