An act of hate

As I was thinking of this post, and of acts of hate, I realized that based on the title I could have an entire list of acts of hate just from the past week.

It seems that hate is embedded in our culture.

It's so easy to be kind to others. Yet some find that difficult, foreign and even unnecessary.

One night this week a friend was on her way home after a celebration. She stopped to get some groceries and was attacked, assaulted and spit on by a man who did not like trans women. I found out soon after the attack and have not been able to stop thinking of her since.

This happened in Glendale, CA, about 20 minutes from where we live.

I have been where she is. I can hide. I can make the decision, for safety reasons, to stop holding Mike's hand.

Imagine having to be afraid to go the store. Imagine having to live in a world where at any second some hate-filled creature could come  out of nowhere and attack you.

In this country, nineteen trans women of color have been murdered this year. I am grateful my friend wasn't number 20.

For those of us who are filled with love and kindness, for those of us who work for liberation for all people and for animals, for those of us who work tirelessly to make this world a better and safer place for all living beings, we must speak out against hate and violence.

We must make acts of hate so unacceptable that the cowards who perpetuate violence are stopped.

We have the power.

Thanks for reading.

In mourning

NOTE: I am just expressing feelings here. This is not a though-out blog post.

I have been watching the news coverage from Charleston, South Carolina and my heart is heavy.

Then the news goes to the Aurora shooting trial here in Colorado.

Nine people murdered while in a bible study.

Twelve people murdered while going to see a Batman movie.

It's heartbreaking.

From here in Colorado all I can do is mourn, and write.

My head is full of thoughts about racism and violence. They are not clear enough for me to write about them yet. I'm sure I will.

Sending big love to all of you. I know that is not enough. Believe me, I am angry. I want to fight back against racism and violence.

I have been on Periscope a lot lately. I end each live video with "please be kind to one another".

And I think of many family members of those murdered in Charleston, who spoke words of forgiveness to the racist terrorist who murdered their loved ones.

What a world.

Thanks for reading.

Accepted violence at animal non-profits

We all have our favorite animal non-profit. Whether that is our local pound or a far-away animal sanctuary whose work we love and respect, most of us financially support groups that are helping animals in some way.

In Colorado we have a variety of such groups. They are a diverse lot, many companion animal groups saving the lives of mostly dogs and cats, some with huge operations and smaller ones with all volunteer fosters. I have worked with and/or fostered animals for many of these groups. I love that there are so many organizations here working to end animal cruelty and working to support companion animals who have been abused.

As a side note, the first time I met a cow, and fell in love with pigs, was at a sanctuary here in Colorado, one that is no longer around. I remember loving on the cow and being a little surprised about how big she was. And strong. And how much she loved it when I scratched her neck.

So many organizations. So many wonderful people working against animal cruelty.

Several months ago an activist friend of mine asked me if I would help with asking a local animal shelter to stop serving meet at their fundraising dinners. It is a fundamental problem that I have always thought about: Why do I have to order a vegan-specific meal at a fundraiser for a group whose mission is to end violence towards animals and to love and support animals? My point being that, in my head, all of these groups would of course be serving only vegan meals at their fundraisers.

I passed on helping for the same reason that I have passed on other actions: time. I have never in my life felt as crazy busy as I feel now. It has a lot to do with my day job, a job I am hugely passionate about, but nonetheless I simply do not have time to jump onto another campaign.

And I haven't stopped thinking about it.

I haven't stopped thinking that those of us who support animal liberation, who want to end cruelty to all animals, who cannot deep inside of ourselves pick and choose which animals to fight for and which ones to not fight for, can make our voices heard via a simple request: please make your fundraising events all vegan.

Any hotel catering manager will tell you that there has been a surge in requests for vegan and vegetarian meals. I have noticed that when people see my vegan dish delivered to the table at an event they decide they want the vegan dish. You see, these days, many hotels and banquet spots have been rocking at vegan meals. It's because we have been asking for better.

I have actually been at a big dinner or lunch and asked for a second plate because my meal was so delicious. The days of pasta with some cold veggies on top as the vegan choice are over. If they are not over where you last ate for one of these meetings/conferences, remind them that we are living in the 21st century, a time when there are a zillion delicious vegan options.

It's time to stop perpetuating violence and supporting violence against animals within the same community that is supposed to be helping animals.

Thank you for reading.

The ugliness of hate

It was October of 1998 when I saw hate close to my community. It wasn't the first or last time, but was intense and horrifying. A couple of months after moving from Norfolk, VA to Denver, a young, gay college student named Matthew Shepard was beaten to death in Laramie, WY, a 2 1/2 hour drive from my cozy, safe apartment within a gay-friendly neighborhood in Denver.

I was shocked as the details of the beating of Matthew became public. Then a couple of days later he died in a hospital in Fort Collins.

To be fair, there is a new book about Matthew's murder that has just been published. I haven't read it. Apparently it's about Matthew's beating and murder not being about his sexuality.

From everything I had heard and read before I will find that difficult to believe. I'll let you know if I end up reading the book.

A year before I moved to Denver an African immigrant named Oumar Dia from Senegal had left the Hyatt (which is where I worked when arriving in Denver) and was waiting for a bus home. This was right across the street from the hotel. He was shot to death by a white supremacist who said to him "Are you ready to die for being a nigger?".

I had personally experienced hate and hate-inspired violence before. Oh, and hate speech. Fag, faggot, fucking faggot, fairy were words that had been yelled at to me in my past. Once I was out of the closet I was out. No more going back in regardless of how uncomfortable that made people feel.

One is not born with hate. One is taught hate. Whether it's hatred towards gay folk, women, people of color, immigrants... the list could go on and on.

I believe that hatred and hate-filled acts happen because someone did not say something. No one spoke up to say hey, your way of thinking is messed up. Someone laughed at a joke that wasn't funny. Someone used a disparaging word just to feel comfortable with others or to look "cool".

Hate is present in every community. You don't have to accept it or allow it.

Each of us has the power to stop it.

Thanks for reading!

More dead Egyptians and Syrians

If you watch the national news or read any news-oriented websites you must know that in the last couple of weeks Egypt has exploded in violence that has left over 1,000 dead. In Syria, the death toll from violence since citizens began demanding the ouster of President Assad has added to the tens of thousands already killed by an attack that some say were chemical attacks leaving another 1,000 plus Syrians dead.

In the US, we are being informed about all of this, yet our nation seems to be just standing by and watching.

Believe me, I understand that both situations are complex. I also understand that, even though they won elections fair and square, many people, including many Americans, do not like the Muslim Brotherhood.

I'm also pretty sure that many in the Muslim Brotherhood and some in the Syrian resistance to not care much for gay people.

I am still sickened by all of the death.

Last week I watched as an older man, older than me, stood in front of a tank in Egypt waving his arms in what looked like an effort to stop the tank. Minutes later he was gunned down.

Yesterday I saw the video of bodies lined up in Syria after a supposed chemical attack.

I have always known that there is a lot of hate in this world.

So many viewpoints and so many things to think about.

In the midst of all of this slaughter, I don't even know what to do. Writing about it helps. Having conversation with others helps.

As a blogger who always tries to be a voice for the voiceless, I am a little puzzled. In Egypt a fairly-elected government is in jail, and when their supporters protest, they are shot dead. Yes, many refused to leave encampments, just like many Occupiers in the US refused to leave. And in Syria, how many will have to die?

Yes, both situations are complicated.

And more and more people will continue to die.

Thank you for reading.

Rutgers and animal rights - stopping cowards

For those of you who read my posts about the Rutgers basketball coach this week, calling for him to be fired, you might have been surprised to read about sports in one of my blog posts. With such violence and anti-gay slurs coming from a person in power, I felt I had to write about it.

But what we saw in the videos from Rutgers we have seen before.

If, like us, you support all of the groups out there who do undercover work to give animals in factory farms and in labs a voice, the actions and abuse of power coming from a coward is nothing new.

Recently Mercy for Animals has made headlines with their undercover work. I decided not to show a video (Mercy For Animals is linked on our main page if you'd like to take a look). Their videos have a lot in common with the Rutgers video: people in power doing unspeakable things to those they are charged to care for. In the MFA videos we see, time after time, terrified animals being kicked, thrown, tortured and sometimes killed. By cowards.

In some stats, legislators are talking about passing bills to stop undercover investigations. In Iowa this is now law. These so called "ag gag" bills are meant to keep people who care about animals away, to keep profit up, and to be able to treat their product as they see fit.

I think "ag gag" is going easy on them. I prefer calling them "coward protection" laws.

Whether it is a group of factory farm workers beating a piglet with a shovel, teens bulling a perceived gay student or a basketball coach who makes $700,000 a year to perpetrate violence and fear on young players, cowards exist among us.

They can be stopped, which is why I felt the need to write about the Rutgers coach. He was fired. And then the athletic director resigned.

We have the power to be a voice for the voiceless and we have the power to stop these cowards.

Sometimes I may sound like a broken record when I write about getting involved, in connecting with your state legislator, in writing a letter to the editor or visiting your local chief of police.

These actions make a huge difference to those affected by the cowards.

Our silence strengthens the cowards. Our voices and actions can stop the cowards.

Thank you for reading!

Fire Tim Pernetti at Rutgers

Mike Rice, the head basketball coach at Rutgers, was fired yesterday morning. He was fired based on the same information the school had back in November, the only difference was that now the whole world knew of his cowardly, pathetic and violent behavior.

Tim Pernetti, Rutgers Director of Intercollegiate Athletics failed in his job. He failed to protect young people from a clear abuse of power.

Fire Tim Pernetti.

From Mr. Pernetti: "I spent more time with that option on whether we should fire Mike or not than any other option," Pernetti said on WFAN Radio Tuesday. "At the same time, the results of the investigation and where we ended up, the determination was made to suspend him."

Some investigation. Look at the videos. Then fire the guy being violent, abusive and using anti-gay slurs. Mr. Pernetti saw the videos back in November.

Didn't something similar just happen at Penn State. That case involved sex abuse. Yet the same abuse of power existed, and people who knew about it did nothing to stop it, let along shine a light on it.

Does anyone at Rutgers believe that Mr. Pernetti is a shining example of someone young people should look up to and respect? Should anyone have faith in his judgement?

Let's speak truth to power. Hopefully those in power at Rutgers will tell Mr. Pernetti to take a hike.

Thank you for reading!

"Fu**ing Faggot" - proper language at Rutgers

UPDATE: Mike Rice has been fired. Rutgers should also fire Mr. Pernetti who clearly failed in doing anything about this until the public found out.

I hesitated writing the title of a blog post that includes words that make me uncomfortable. I assure you this is a direct quote, and because of the power of the two words combined, I decided to go ahead with the title.

I was enjoying morning time with the furries watching the CBS Morning Show and watched as they showed video of the Rutgers (university in New Jersey) head basketball coach Mike Rice hit, pushed, threw basketballs at and shouted gay slurs to his players. One of the things I heard him say on the tape is the title of this post. He also called his players "fairies".

As I have written about many times here, language is huge. In a time when it seems equality is getting stronger and more and more people are getting comfortable with the idea of gay people getting married let alone existing, we get to watch video of a very well paid man call someone this.

How far have we seriously come when the worst thing a coach can think of calling one of his players to denigrate him or make him feel small is a faggot?

And just in case you're wondering, this guy, as of this morning (April 3, 2013) still has his job.

The violence. The words. These are not actions and statements from someone who should be respected in any way. This guy is a coach!

Fire him. Today.

From the athletic director Tom Pernetti on suspending the coach:  "This was not an easy decision for me to make but absolutely necessary to ensure what is best for our program."

Seriously? He saw the video in November! It seems he is now only taking action because of the video becoming public. By the way, thank you ESPN for showing the video. It was not an easy decision to suspend him?

I simply don't get it. Oh, I get the world of sports. I don't get that any university, school, program, etc would want anything to do with a man like Mike Rice.

Fire Mike Rice. Fire him today.

Thanks for reading.

A little respect

Before you get too excited, let me tell you that this post is not about one of my all-time favorite songs by Erasure. Sorry.

This post is about basic respect of each other, especially online

There are two words I don't need to read from a communication from someone. One is the "F" word as in "F___ you" and the other is the "F" word used to dehumanize, threaten or attack a gay male.

Don't get me wrong, I have been known to use the first one, especially like "What the ___". What I am writing about today is the use of offensive words, offensive to me, in communicating any type of message via the web. Especially if you have not personally met me.

Both of these words, when coming from someone I do not know, are violent.

Being an out, gay blog, I have gotten the latter of the words many times, usually in an email. I have gotten called that at protests and at hearings. It's a disgusting word, one that tells me right away what the person saying is like.

Yesterday I posted a tweet about liking what President Obama said in regards to gay people. As far as I know it was the first time this was done in an inauguration speech. I loved it. I am aware that many do not like President Obama, his person, his policies, his beliefs, and my tweet was about this one part of one speech.

Of the hundreds of comments, emails, and feedback items that I get, it's always the one or two negative ones that get to me. When someone responded telling me to get some "f___ dignity" I was honestly blown away.

Does everything I post have to sit well with you? We all know the answer to that, especially if you are reading this blog. My blog posts are all over the place and many times include topics that many disagree on.

Can we all simply respect each other online? Can we debate or discuss without throwing out offensive language?

And if we openly support a cause or a belief, what do actions like this do for our cause?

As you know I was recently laid off and I am in day 12 of my job search. I at first thought that the reaction I was having was due to being a little more sensitive these days. That lasted for a couple of seconds before I realized that I simply felt disrespected. From someone who does not know me. At all. A second person communicated with me a similar position about my tweet, and this person isn't even connected with me anywhere!

Respect. It can be so easy.

And please, unless you have read it on my blog or interact with me in my personal life, do not assume you know me. My husband has been with me for years and years and is still learning things about me.

Thank you for reading!

Mourning a dead child

Although I live in the real world and know that there are thousands of missing children out there, my first reaction to a local 10 year old girl going missing was " what the ____ is wrong with this world?".

Over the days of her disappearance I became very emotional about her. For the record, we do not know her or any of her family. She is simply a sweet little girl who went to a park a block from her home to meet friends so they could walk to school together yet never made it to the park. Her family lives just north of me and Mike.

I had to watch every press conference and read everything I could about the investigation. Anger, sadness, even crying for a little girl who at one moment is headed to meet friends in her neighborhood and the next moment she has vanished.

Mike and I do not have children. I can't relate to what the parents are going through. Yet like many who have expressed themselves at vigils and community gatherings, I am outraged. I keep thinking about what I can do and the clear answer is nothing. At least I can't do anything for her but my wheels are turning on what I can do for others.

The last press conference I watched was with the Chief of Police of Westminster telling us that the body found two days prior was indeed that of little Jessica.

I cried.

I want to live in a world where this does not happen. Where even the thought of this would be strange.

And I am surrounded by violence: against children, against women, against animals, against gay people.

Deep breathes.

I am disgusted.

Loving thoughts and prayers for sweet Jessica and everyone who loved her.

Thank you for reading.

Voices for the Voiceless

In the past week I have seen two videos posted that make me incredibly sad and incredibly angry at the same time.


I decided not to post them.


One is of a dog being skinned alive for her fur.


The other is of a sheep being beaten to death with a baseball bat by US service members in Iraq or Afghanistan.


Both are hugely disturbing and yet acceptable in our culture.


I know the gang mentality and still am heartbroken that not one of those service members either left or tried to get the others to stop. Gang violence pure and simple. It is thoroughly disgusting.


The dog and the sheep never had a chance. In fact, the dog is wagging her tail just before being tied to a pole to be skinned alive. The sheep has no clue as to what is happening and simply tries to get away. I can only imagine the fear and pain experienced by both of these beautiful creatures.


We must be voices for the voiceless.


Not only is this violence and torture abhorrent, just think of what type of human beings these people are.


The dog was skinned alive to provide fur trim. There is no information as to why she was skinned alive. Speaking out against fur trim is an easy action.


Being a voice for the sheep is a tougher action. One could complain to the White House and I believe with the You Tube video going viral there is a petition.


Being a voice for the voiceless is part of who Mike and I are. I believe it's part of who you are if you're a reader of our blog. It's something people like us just have to do. We have to speak out, on every level. This post is specifically about one dog and one sheep, but there are many things we can speak out against. We simply have to.


Thanks for reading. I know this was a tough one but I just had to write about it.

Vegan pancakes for a cause

Last Saturday, July 9th, Mike and I went to the fourth-annual pancake breakfast sponsored by the Colorado Anti-Violence Program. This was our fourth time, and as always, we had an incredible time.

You might be thinking, well why would the gay vegans go to a pancake breakfast? Pancakes aren't typically vegan. Well that's the cool deal here: the pancakes are, and always have been, vegan!

They get it! An anti-violence group that gets it!

Let me back up. First a little bit about CAVP. Since 1986 the Colorado Anti-Violence Program has been dedicated to eliminating violence within and against the lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer (LGBTQ) communities in Colorado, and providing the highest quality services to survivors. They do an incredible job. The annual pancake breakfast is my favorite fundraiser of the year.

I'm sure many of you have either personally experienced or heard of a fundraising dinner or event for an anti-violence group, animal shelter, rape crisis line, etc., where you sit down to a meal that includes meat. At first thought this may not seem like a big deal.

The big deal is that you are financially supporting a group that works against violence, against cruelty to animals, against torture or intimidation, and yet they are supporting those very things by serving meat. This of course could become an entire series of blog posts, yet I'll keep this one to the point of how ecstatic Mike and I are to support a group that we love that entirely understands the connection and serves only vegan pancakes at their big, annual fundraising event.

And by the way, the pancakes are scrumptious. And all you can eat. And they are served right to your table! Oh my, how could we not love this event!

If you would like to know more about CAVP or even make a donation to support their life-changing work, here's a link to their site: http://www.coavp.org/

What can you do? Have a conversation with the shelter you work with or volunteer at and ask them if their annual event has a vegan menu. You can make a big difference in educating their cause. Imagine all of the bridge building and goodwill that can happen when organizations that work towards ending suffering of any kind make their events suffering-free!