I am saving the top two for last of my list of faves for '14.
I realize this is very general, but I have to say that my friends and family totally make my list of faves for '14.
To my friends, you are my chosen family.
To all of you, I simply cannot imagine my life or this world without you.
You love me. You support me. You call me out on my craziness.
You say the sweetest, kindest things.
You are a huge part of why I love my life so much, and why my life is so amazing.
And you know who you are. You called me. You dropped by my office. You hung out with me and Mike. You dropped a note on Facebook. You made a donation to one of my causes. You spoke out for those with no voice. I might not have seen you in years, but I know you are there.
And I love you.
Thanks for reading.
Zuma beach.
Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts
Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts
Tuesday, December 30, 2014
Monday, July 29, 2013
Family
I have recently been writing some pretty personal blog posts and while in this frame of mind figure that now is a good time to write about family.
As a gay man who came out in the 80's, long before any dream of legal marriage, openness in serving in the military and even general, public acceptance, my thought around family became much broader than my blood relatives. I think this is pretty common with other gay folks who came out and had much more support from friends than family. Those same friends end up becoming family.
Homophobia and heterosexism are tough to deal with. Even tougher when negative feelings come from your own blood. Hence, a new family begins.
For the most part, Mike and I are fortunate with our families. There are a couple who we will just never be in relationship, but for the most part we are supported and loved by our blood families. The occasional homophobic comments or non-intended jabs become opportunities for conversation.
Recently one of our dearest friends had to say good bye to her dog, a senior who passed away. We, like many of you, know that pain. It's times like this where we are reminded of how important family is to us, and in this situation, reminded that our friend is indeed family to us.
No blood relative. Yet definitely family. The love we expressed to her and the support we tried to pass along all are examples of what family is and what family does in times of hardship.
Sometimes I hear about gatherings of my blood family and yearn to be part of that. We are always invited to such gatherings, yet as I look at photos and smile at family members that I love, I have to honestly admit that being there would not be good for me.
And that's not an easy thing to admit.
Mike and I do our best to bring love, kindness, compassion and support to our relationships, whether that is a dear friend who we consider family or an actual blood family member. We are extremely fortunate (and grateful) to have so much love and kindness returned that we do not want to put ourselves in situations where we might have to deal with the opposite of that. Unfortunately in my family that is always a possibility.
Having been vegan for 17 ears I have also seen families have challenges when one of them becomes vegan. Judgement and jokes can make for difficult gatherings. To all of this I say that the same kindness and compassion can be expressed, and when negative actions continue, knowing when enough is enough. Unacceptable behavior is unacceptable, no matter who it is coming from.
Thank you for reading!
As a gay man who came out in the 80's, long before any dream of legal marriage, openness in serving in the military and even general, public acceptance, my thought around family became much broader than my blood relatives. I think this is pretty common with other gay folks who came out and had much more support from friends than family. Those same friends end up becoming family.
Homophobia and heterosexism are tough to deal with. Even tougher when negative feelings come from your own blood. Hence, a new family begins.
For the most part, Mike and I are fortunate with our families. There are a couple who we will just never be in relationship, but for the most part we are supported and loved by our blood families. The occasional homophobic comments or non-intended jabs become opportunities for conversation.
Recently one of our dearest friends had to say good bye to her dog, a senior who passed away. We, like many of you, know that pain. It's times like this where we are reminded of how important family is to us, and in this situation, reminded that our friend is indeed family to us.
No blood relative. Yet definitely family. The love we expressed to her and the support we tried to pass along all are examples of what family is and what family does in times of hardship.
Sometimes I hear about gatherings of my blood family and yearn to be part of that. We are always invited to such gatherings, yet as I look at photos and smile at family members that I love, I have to honestly admit that being there would not be good for me.
And that's not an easy thing to admit.
Mike and I do our best to bring love, kindness, compassion and support to our relationships, whether that is a dear friend who we consider family or an actual blood family member. We are extremely fortunate (and grateful) to have so much love and kindness returned that we do not want to put ourselves in situations where we might have to deal with the opposite of that. Unfortunately in my family that is always a possibility.
Having been vegan for 17 ears I have also seen families have challenges when one of them becomes vegan. Judgement and jokes can make for difficult gatherings. To all of this I say that the same kindness and compassion can be expressed, and when negative actions continue, knowing when enough is enough. Unacceptable behavior is unacceptable, no matter who it is coming from.
Thank you for reading!
Monday, April 1, 2013
Friends? Re-evaluating relationships.
WARNING: After editing this and re-reading it several times, I have realized that this can feel like a pretty heavy post. After all, it's about relationships!
Mike and I were at church today and the sermon hit me really well, in a good way.
For a while I have been thinking about friendship, and what that means, as opposed to say, an acquaintance.
Back in January when I was laid off I got a nice dose of reality around who my true friends were. Not that true friends who didn't reach out to say they could help didn't exist. I know people are busy and a friend losing a job may not be a time when you want to reach out. The amazing thing, and something I will be forever grateful for, is that so many of my friends did reach out, did check in, did ask if they could help in any way.
All of the love and support I received simply blew me away.
And then there are those friends I am connected with on Facebook. Recently I have seen a couple of them at different events and they couldn't even swing by to say hi. Have you read those posts on Facebook or Twitter that talk about not investing in relationships that you put a lot into but the other person doesn't? I forget the exact saying, but do you get the idea.
That pegs me directly.
I do get that a friend on Facebook may or may not be an actual "friend". I am trying to go in that direction though, where all of my Facebook friends are actual friends.
Putting more into a relationship than the other person does gets old. I'm 47, have done that most of my life, and as healthy people say, "that doesn't serve me well anymore".
Where am I going with this? Friendship is a two way street. If both parties (and I include myself in this) don't want to give to the relationship, then perhaps the friendship is not that important to both people. Which is not a bad thing. If the relationship is important, well then maybe it's time to reach out for coffee, dinner, a hike.
I just realized that a friend of mine might be reading this and thinking that they need to reach out. Please don't, unless you were going to connect anyway. This is not about any one person, it's about me feeling like I give a lot to something/someone that isn't interested in giving back, or in giving at all.
My friends and family have been uber supportive these past few months. The reality is that true friends and good family always are supportive and loving. They may not call all the time and you may not see them often, but they are there. And when you need them the most, you know it.
There are some people in my life who are important to me who may not know it. I need to change that. There are others who for some reason or another are just not close anymore. That's cool, as long as I haven't done anything to hurt them or to piss them off.
Whew! What a post. Thank you so much for reading. Can you relate to any of this? I would LOVE your feedback, at least so that I know I'm not totally crazy!
Mike and I were at church today and the sermon hit me really well, in a good way.
For a while I have been thinking about friendship, and what that means, as opposed to say, an acquaintance.
Back in January when I was laid off I got a nice dose of reality around who my true friends were. Not that true friends who didn't reach out to say they could help didn't exist. I know people are busy and a friend losing a job may not be a time when you want to reach out. The amazing thing, and something I will be forever grateful for, is that so many of my friends did reach out, did check in, did ask if they could help in any way.
All of the love and support I received simply blew me away.
And then there are those friends I am connected with on Facebook. Recently I have seen a couple of them at different events and they couldn't even swing by to say hi. Have you read those posts on Facebook or Twitter that talk about not investing in relationships that you put a lot into but the other person doesn't? I forget the exact saying, but do you get the idea.
That pegs me directly.
I do get that a friend on Facebook may or may not be an actual "friend". I am trying to go in that direction though, where all of my Facebook friends are actual friends.
Putting more into a relationship than the other person does gets old. I'm 47, have done that most of my life, and as healthy people say, "that doesn't serve me well anymore".
Where am I going with this? Friendship is a two way street. If both parties (and I include myself in this) don't want to give to the relationship, then perhaps the friendship is not that important to both people. Which is not a bad thing. If the relationship is important, well then maybe it's time to reach out for coffee, dinner, a hike.
I just realized that a friend of mine might be reading this and thinking that they need to reach out. Please don't, unless you were going to connect anyway. This is not about any one person, it's about me feeling like I give a lot to something/someone that isn't interested in giving back, or in giving at all.
My friends and family have been uber supportive these past few months. The reality is that true friends and good family always are supportive and loving. They may not call all the time and you may not see them often, but they are there. And when you need them the most, you know it.
There are some people in my life who are important to me who may not know it. I need to change that. There are others who for some reason or another are just not close anymore. That's cool, as long as I haven't done anything to hurt them or to piss them off.
Whew! What a post. Thank you so much for reading. Can you relate to any of this? I would LOVE your feedback, at least so that I know I'm not totally crazy!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)