Monday, April 1, 2013

Friends? Re-evaluating relationships.

WARNING: After editing this and re-reading it several times, I have realized that this can feel like a pretty heavy post. After all, it's about relationships!

Mike and I were at church today and the sermon hit me really well, in a good way.

For a while I have been thinking about friendship, and what that means, as opposed to say, an acquaintance.

Back in January when I was laid off I got a nice dose of reality around who my true friends were. Not that true friends who didn't reach out to say they could help didn't exist. I know people are busy and a friend losing a job may not be a time when you want to reach out. The amazing thing, and something I will be forever grateful for, is that so many of my friends did reach out, did check in, did ask if they could help in any way.

All of the love and support I received simply blew me away.

And then there are those friends I am connected with on Facebook. Recently I have seen a couple of them at different events and they couldn't even swing by to say hi. Have you read those posts on Facebook or Twitter that talk about not investing in relationships that you put a lot into but the other person doesn't? I forget the exact saying, but do you get the idea.

That pegs me directly.

I do get that a friend on Facebook may or may not be an actual "friend". I am trying to go in that direction though, where all of my Facebook friends are actual friends. 

Putting more into a relationship than the other person does gets old. I'm 47, have done that most of my life, and as healthy people say, "that doesn't serve me well anymore".

Where am I going with this? Friendship is a two way street. If both parties (and I include myself in this) don't want to give to the relationship, then perhaps the friendship is not that important to both people. Which is not a bad thing. If the relationship is important, well then maybe it's time to reach out for coffee, dinner, a hike.

I just realized that a friend of mine might be reading this and thinking that they need to reach out. Please don't, unless you were going to connect anyway. This is not about any one person, it's about me feeling like I give a lot to something/someone that isn't interested in giving back, or in giving at all.

My friends and family have been uber supportive these past few months. The reality is that true friends and good family always are supportive and loving. They may not call all the time and you may not see them often, but they are there. And when you need them the most, you know it.

There are some people in my life who are important to me who may not know it. I need to change that. There are others who for some reason or another are just not close anymore. That's cool, as long as I haven't done anything to hurt them or to piss them off.

Whew! What a post. Thank you so much for reading. Can you relate to any of this? I would LOVE your feedback, at least so that I know I'm not totally crazy!


  1. Well said. I find that my friend list has been honed over time, and it actually feels good to let go of the friendships that aren't an equal exchange of energy. We don't need everybody, but we all need a few good somebodies. Sounds like you're fortunate in knowing who and what you have, and also in knowing when it's okay to let go. I do look forward to saying hi in Portland. :o)

  2. Thank you so much Kim! See you soon!