Saturday, April 13, 2013

Vegans dating non-vegans?

I was on Twitter today and read a tweet from a young woman who is vegan and is having challenges in her relationship with her boyfriend who is not vegan.

In the 17 years of being vegan I have heard this a lot, and have even heard that people who are vegan should not date people who are not vegan.

That is super crazy for me.

In the gay male world of Colorado there would have been slim pickings for dating if I had stuck to only men who were vegan. Fortunately for me I never asked guys if they were vegan before a date. I would have never dated and fallen in love with Mike had I chosen to only date vegan men.

I totally get the allure of dating only vegan people. It shows they are loving, compassionate and at least on some levels have something in common with you. The again, people choose to go vegan for many reasons. Mine was to do as least harm as possible while experiencing this thing we call life. I want no part in animal cruelty.

For Mike and I, we met at our church. Our first date was a movie, dinner and then dancing. For dinner we went to PF Changs and he ordered his first on-purpose vegan meal. He didn't really know what a vegan was before we started dating and was curious.

For me and dating it was always trying to be in the moment. Of course if it ever got to the point where I would live with somebody and they were not vegan I would have to ask for rules around no former living beings in the house. I never had to do that.

My ex became veg before we moved in together. Mike became vegan long before we even talked about living together or even getting married.

A little over a month after we began dating Mike became vegetarian for my Valentine's Day gift. He told me while we were on a sweet date night. He had not really eaten meat in front of me since we began dating, maybe once, but I don't remember it if he did.

So it boils down to mutual respect. If you know that eating meat bothers me, and you are interested in dating me, perhaps you won't eat meat in front of me. It's really not that big of a deal. Especially if you totally dig me!

Mike continued being a vegetarian for a couple of months. Then, in April, he became vegan as a birthday gift to himself. Not for me, for him and the animals.

There are many people out there who might be an amazing date/time/life partner for you. They may not have all of the information around animal cruelty that you do. They may have never had a conversation with someone about veganism or what veganism even is.

I say that if you are single and meet someone you think right off is pretty nice, go for it.

Respect. Love. Compassion. And of course passion! It all doesn't come instantly, but with the right person it comes.

Thank you so much for reading this! I would totally love your feedback!


20 comments:

  1. You make good points. I guess I would get to know someone first. I haven't been vegan forever, or even vegetarian; it took some thought and some information to get me to consider it. My wife and I decided to go vegan almost simultaneously - I can't even remember who suggested it.

    But, I also sort of think that if someone I was dating persisted in not just eating, but flaunting their meat-eating, it might not progress. You know what I mean about flaunting. Most omnivores just eat respectfully. Some need to go on about "OMG delicious pig" or whatever. We wouldn't last.

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    1. Thank you so much for the comment. And I totally know what you mean. I am so glad you and your wife are doing this together! Thank you for reading our blog!

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  2. I really liked this! I think it sounds ridiculous too, for vegans to not date non-vegans. It's like saying that you shouldn't date people of a different religion or something. In the case of my parents, my mum converted to my dad's religion and my dad became a vegetarian, a bit of a trade. I feel like if you limit yourself like that you may be missing out on meeting the right person, and other people will be missing out on meeting you, the fantastic, interesting vegan!

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    1. Thanks for sharing the story about your parents!

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  3. Very interesting topic! Ryan and I were both eating meat when we met. It wasn't until 2 years ago when I saw a video on animal ag that I confessed to him how awful they were to the animals and that I couldn't contribute to that anymore. To my surprise, he said he'd try it out with me. He was much more gradual than I (I went vegan overnight and adjusted well) but I was just grateful to have company in this new foray. Now we're both vegan and thriving.

    You just never know where people will go, oneself included! :)

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  4. I live in an area with limited meat-free options, even as a vegetarian. I came to a point where, when going out, people why ask me what was "acceptable" for them to order. I simply said, "I'm only responsible for what I put into my mouth." And that, was that. While the thought of a hamburger gets under MY skin, I cannot declare the ethics of others, for others--ya know. Plus, I would have missed out on some stellar social shindigs if I didn't approach things like this.

    On the plus side, my lady is eating healthier and slowly considering becoming vegetarian because of our relationship. Progress is still progress.

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    1. Thanks so much for reading our post! Sending love to you and your lady!

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  5. I loved this! I've been a vegetarian now for a year...woop woop!! I get a lot of back lash an heat for informative posts on my wall...but I too would like to live in this world an cause as little harm to a living being as possible. I have a 6 year old an while he's here he eats vegetarian....but of course when he goes to his dads they eat "meat".
    He'll return home acting up of course an talk about how he drank cows milk an ate chicken. His father says "we live in Texas we eat meat" ....spoken like a true bone head.
    I wish his dad had some sort of brain an would realize what a life our kid could lead if we teach him compassion an to be humble an selfless.
    As for dating a vegetarian....I don't even know any personally. Its just me :(
    & I wonder if I can handle dating a non vegan? Seems like it would not work out.

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    1. Kristin! Thank you so much for writing this! We are definitely with you!

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  6. You won Mike over with your delicious cooking!

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  7. Thanks John! I miss the days of Amy's burritos and tater tots!

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  8. This made me tear up a little because the story of Mike going vegetarian for you and then vegan for himself and the animals was so sweet!

    We never know what kind of an impact we might have on others who get to know and love us and learn more about veganism. My boyfriend also went vegetarian (mostly vegan) after dating me for awhile and he said until he met me he never much considered it. Friends and exes have also moved toward more compassionate eating without me prodding. I just did my thing and they asked questions and came around on their own.

    Now dating someone who is disrespectful of veganism, hunts, or enjoys joking about animal cruelty is another thing all together...

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  9. Thank you so much. I totally agree: us just being us can have a huge impact on tohers. Really appreciate you taking the time to post a comment!

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  11. That's just about the sweetest Valentines gift I've ever heard of!

    The idea of limiting who you date by diet choice seems kind of crazy to me! Unless maybe all they ever ate was seafood. I can't stand the smell of seafood...

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