An act of hate

As I was thinking of this post, and of acts of hate, I realized that based on the title I could have an entire list of acts of hate just from the past week.

It seems that hate is embedded in our culture.

It's so easy to be kind to others. Yet some find that difficult, foreign and even unnecessary.

One night this week a friend was on her way home after a celebration. She stopped to get some groceries and was attacked, assaulted and spit on by a man who did not like trans women. I found out soon after the attack and have not been able to stop thinking of her since.

This happened in Glendale, CA, about 20 minutes from where we live.

I have been where she is. I can hide. I can make the decision, for safety reasons, to stop holding Mike's hand.

Imagine having to be afraid to go the store. Imagine having to live in a world where at any second some hate-filled creature could come  out of nowhere and attack you.

In this country, nineteen trans women of color have been murdered this year. I am grateful my friend wasn't number 20.

For those of us who are filled with love and kindness, for those of us who work for liberation for all people and for animals, for those of us who work tirelessly to make this world a better and safer place for all living beings, we must speak out against hate and violence.

We must make acts of hate so unacceptable that the cowards who perpetuate violence are stopped.

We have the power.

Thanks for reading.

Random acts of kindness

I know that I don't need to tell anyone who reads this blog about suffering. Whether human suffering or animal suffering, most folks who connect with us actively work to end suffering in the world.

As you know, I am in Austin, Texas for the third Vida Vegan Con and I am super stoked.

Yet if one watches any news here, there is a huge reminder that due to floods and storms, hundreds are suffering. Over a dozen have been killed in Texas and the flood devastation is mind blowing.

As I get ready to go for a run I am thinking of what kind act or acts I can do today.

And I wanted to see if we could make this a group effort.

Together we are so much stronger.

How about it? Will you join me and practice a random act (or acts!) of kindness today? 

I will let you know what I decide to do. Please let me know what you decide.

Thanks for reading. Thanks for doing what you do to make the world a better place for all living beings.

Kindness, decency, family. Ireland said yes!

The referendum on civil marriage in Ireland is done.

Votes are being counted. The numbers coming out remind me of the percentage numbers while watching states in the U.S. vote against marriage equality, yet reversed.

In some areas over 70% voted yes to support equality.

I have followed this story for some time. I've watched both campaigns closely and yesterday morning I could barely contain myself as people went to vote.

They went to vote with their families, with their parents, their grandparents, their neighbors, their rugby clubs. They traveled from all over the world to, as one man put it, "mark a box". One photo I saw was of three generations of a family after they had all gone to the poll to vote yes.

One thing that I noticed while watching all of this was the huge amount of conversation around kindness. And decency. And family.

Meaning, a yes vote was the kind thing to do. The decent thing to do. After all, we are talking about rights for our family.

Young people rocked it. They campaigned and they voted. Imagine what our equality laws would look like if young people in the U.S. did the same.


As Ireland's Minister of Health, Leo Varadkar said, "I wanted to be an equal citizen in my own country and today I am".

I am ecstatic.

I guess I should also add here, in case this is the first of my blog posts you have read, that I am Irish. In the 1920's my grandfather left County Mayo for the U.S. He settled in Detroit, married my grandmother, became a U.S. citizen and was a dad to my dad and his six siblings.

Thanks for reading.  Éirinn go Brách!

A huge day in Ireland!

I made a quick video to share my thoughts on today's vote in Ireland that could bring marriage equality to the land of my ancestors.

Huge day for Ireland!

I have been emotional all week. I have many times thought that the Irish blood that runs through my veins is part of why I am an activist and one who fights to make the world a better and safer place for all living beings.

The Vote Yes campaign has been incredible. Lots of families talking about supporting a son or dad or nephew or neighbor. Lots of people talking about kindness. And love. And liberty.

And today is the day!

Thanks for reading!

Letting the ugliness go

A few weeks ago some of my friends went to hear Janet Mock speak in southern California. I had never heard of her but instantly became interested as my friends wrote about being changed by meeting her. Janet is a trans woman and I am reading her book "Redefining Realness".

A quote on the cover says "You will be changed by the book".

Indeed.

I am only in the first few pages. As she discusses seeing trans women out and about (before she came out as trans) she writes "They were dismissed and dehumanized, which made an overwhelming majority of them vulnerable to the harshest treatment, exclusion, discrimination, and violence."

She is writing about trans women but those lines hit me hard.

The man I am today is not the man I have always been. While reading this I was jolted back to the days when my life was what Janet was writing about. Not as a trans woman but as a closeted gay man struggling to come out.

Experiencing unkindness and serious hatred from those in my inner circle and even family members. Not knowing how someone would react, especially when thinking that all would be OK because this person or that person loves me so much.

At 21 being in the middle of the ocean on a US Navy ship and being called faggot, with nowhere to go. The idea that people would be violent towards me was one that took me a long time to get used to. I just could not understand it. At first.

Of course the self-imposed hate and shame are the worst. Yet as I struggled through coming out, I kept being in awe about how hateful human beings could be. And at this point of my story it wasn't the hate and unkindness from strangers, but from people who knew me.

As I kept reading the words that Janet so perfectly wrote, my eyes filled with tears remembering the unkindness. Wanting so badly for my family members to just love me, regardless of what they felt about gayness. Wanting friends in the Navy who knew me so well, knew me as a good person and a good sailor, to take back the hateful words.

It took a long time to let the ugliness go.

As a gay, vegan blogger I get to experience the ugliness of hate and unkindness a lot. These days it doesn't bother me. Those who perpetuate hate and violence and unkindness towards anyone are small people, cowards actually. They are most likely dealing with their own demons. And their pathetic use of anti-gay slurs or threatened violence are sad attempts to break out of whatever crap is going on in their own lives. Don't get me wrong, I call anyone on their bullshit bigotry, but them being a bigot has much less affect on me than it did those many years ago as I was struggling.

(Except when they try to legalize their bigotry. That's a different story!)

Still reading "Redefining Realness". And today I say thank you, with a heart filled with love, gratitude, compassion and passion, to all of those who stood by me in those darkest of days and to all of those who have stood by me and loved me and been a part of my incredible journey ever since.

Thank you for reading.

Be nice today

So many terrible things were said during this past election. I thought I had heard/read it all.

Until the President's speech last night.

Holy cow.

I started reading comments on Facebook and Twitter. Then I went to newspapers and TV websites. I have watched horrible things be said about our President and have always shook my head. What I have read in the last 24 hours just baffles me.

So much vile. So much hate. So many terrible words not only about the President but about immigrants, liberals, and anyone who might support anything the writer disagrees with.

I disagree with many when it comes to politics. And I agree with many. Those I disagree with I choose not to hate or demonize.

I'm much more about finding what we have in common and building bridges. Having a conversation. Debating our thoughts, ideas and solutions.

So I am going to be nice to those I disagree with. I am not going to become a person filled with negativity, judgment and hate.

I am just as powerful of an activist while filled with kindness.

Thanks for reading!

Today I got pissed off

I have been vegan for 18 years. I have been out of the closet (openly gay) since 1990for 24 years.

So I am used to dealing with folks who are openly and verbally judgmental towards vegans/veganism and gays/sexual minorities.

Being used to it, many times I just shrug it off. Sometimes I engage in a kind way, especially when it comes to legal marriage or what the Bible says about married gay men living in the 21st century who want to have sex. Or when someone asks "do they really hurt the animals?"

And seldom does this negativity get to me.

Until the other day.

When talking about leaving some vegan food aside for a future day, someone I do not know said "well you definitely don't need to worry about me touching it!" They just said it, not directed to me, but as a public announcement.

Inside I became enraged. Like, WTF. Like, was that really necessary?

The rage stayed inside me for hours. It was tough to let go.

I did, finally.

I do not want to be angry, or carry anger. I don't understand why people judge or shame or ridicule. I don't like it. So the easiest thing for me is to not become those people.

After all, I can't change people. I can only control me.

I like being kind and loving. And I like being vegan and gay.

Thanks for reading.

Support the newly vegan

Vegans are everywhere these day.

There is diversity in why one is vegan and and how individual vegans feel they can make change.

Go onto a local vegan Facebook page and you can see this.

I recently saw an instance, one of many recently, in which someone was asking for help/support and instead of that got a huge helping of judgment.

I get passion. My passion gets me in trouble sometimes. Passion that turns negative, especially towards folks who are trying to do the right thing, is no good in my book.

Thousands of people get some kind of information about veganism or animal rights every day. Whether it's a pamphlet, an undercover video, watching Ellen or tasting a new vegan food product, the opportunities are out there and people are coming head to head with veganism.

Many start questioning themselves and their own, very personal, ethics.

This is when we as a community can either be there to support them in any way or let our personal piousness get in the way.

This is where we can pass on our experience from when we were first considering veganism or our first weeks of being vegan or we can tell the person they need to get it right now or they are simply just a piece of shit.

These opportunities happen every day.

Each one of us has the power to be the voice for the voiceless animals who suffer.

What does your voice sound like?

Thank you for reading.

Kindness rocks

If you are connected to anyone via social media who is even just slightly out about their opinions, your feeds might look like mine in that they contain a lot of back and forth with harsh judgements, criticisms and just plain unkindness.

As I wrote in my last post, there is a lot going on in our country. While a 17 year old high school student, Claire Davis, lost her battle against a bullet shot into her head by a fellow student over  a week ago, tens of thousands of Americans are calling each other names and expressing viewpoints that might be hurtful to others. Forget the love of Christmas or the joy of Winter Solstice, many people are just consumed with opinion, judgement and unkindness.

It is not difficult to be kind to another human being.

As much as I speak up for animals, equality, those living in poverty and those suffering from human rights abuses, I end up running into a lot of disagreement. I get called names and get told to go to certain places.

And I try to be kind back to the person. Most times I succeed. I succeed because its not difficult.

I also know that during the holidays we tend to spend more time with family, or others that might push our buttons. I've read that more people come out of the closet to their family during this time than at any other time of the year. Talk about stress!

I choose to act with kindness. This week that looks like this:

Hanging out in an animal shelter cleaning cages and walking dogs.

Giving a gift to someone who doesn't expect a gift.

Saying hello with a smile to someone I don't know. (If you know me, you know I do this all of the time. Thanks Mom!)

Reminding friends and family how much I love them!

We do not have to meet hate with hate or unkindness with unkindness.

Thanks for reading!

Don't be a dick

NOTE: My apologies if this word offends you. Not my intent. It's the word I use to refer to poor behavior on my part.

I have never shied away from writing truly personal blog posts and this one goes along that line.

Many days I say to myself that no matter what goes on today, don't be a dick.

I always try my best to be as loving and compassionate as possible. It might look easy. It's not.

Whether I am driving somewhere, sitting in a meeting, watching someone treat someone else disrespectfully... the list could go on and on.

This has become my main goal every day (well one of two actually): to not be a dick. I guess I could use the word "jerk" instead, but that really isn't as powerful of a word. I suppose super-jerk would be more fitting. In case you're curious, my second main goal is to be as much of service as possible to the world I live in.

Recently I was in a meeting talking about a future plan of action. I was happy, feeling centered. All was well in my world. Another person at the meeting started talking about something (I don't even remember what) and just doesn't stop. I become inpatient, and before you know it everyone around me can tell. My sweet, loving self has started going down the path of becoming a dick. Fortunately I didn't say anything.

To be clear, being a dick and being a voice for the voiceless are two very separate things. I would not hesitate to get in someones face who was being abusive to an animal, using anti-gay words or being violent to someone. What I am talking about is totally different.

Some people jokingly call it their dark side. For me, when I start being a dick, it usually means that something is going on inside of me. Someone says something I disagree with and I get all pissed off.

I am getting better. I have tools and ideas to consider when I start feeling negative or angry. The biggest thing I can do is to remind myself that I do not want to treat others in a way that I do not like to be treated. And that I want to treat everyone I encounter with love, compassion and kindness.

I also remember simple things my mother taught me growing up: take a deep breathe, count to 10, stick and stones.

I would LOVE to hear your experiences around this. Can anyone relate?

Thank you for reading!

Reinvigorated hope

Many times I have written about not giving up, about keeping strong in the fight to be a voice for the voiceless and in making the world a better place for all living beings.

After a few days with vegan bloggers from around the world at Vida Vegan Con 2013 in Portland, Oregon, my hope is higher than ever!

If you read any vegan blog, most likely the blogger was at Vida Vegan Con, or really wanted to be here.

And this amazing group of bloggers who are changing the world in so many ways inspired me and filled my heart and head with hope.

I am sure that the blogosphere will be filled with stories of Portland, mind-blowing vegan food (and lots of it) food,  as well as notes from sessions that covered the entire universe of what bloggers need to know to become better bloggers.

What I want to make sure you know about is that the conference rooms were filled with sweet, compassionate people. People who take time out of their lives everyday to blog about vegan food, animal rights, nutrition, recipes, human rights and so much more.

I met people from all walks of life, from small towns and big cities. People who have been vegan for a decade plus and people who have been vegan for three weeks.

The common theme was compassion and kindness.

One of my biggest surprises was how many people here actually know our blog and even asked me "Didn't you two just celebrate an anniversary?"!  I was thrilled to know that other bloggers read our blog!

So be warned people who think vegan food sucks. Be warned all of those who make a living off of the suffering of animals. Be warned those who don't want the world to know that a better world is one filled with amazing vegan food and a thought process that does not include the torture and misery of any living being. These hundreds of bloggers are going to leave here and continue to change the world. They will never stop writing about compassion and how even the simplest of actions make significant change.

To all of those who attended Vida Vegan Con 2013, thank you for the love and kindness you expressed to meet over the past few days. You changed me. You reinvigorated my hope that we indeed are making the world a better place for all living beings.

Good people and kindness

In Denver we have the light rail, kind of like a train. I call it the train. It's mass transit. And a couple of weeks ago the line running west opened. I am in love with taking this to work. I am totally fortunate that my employer buys me a pass. So last week I took it four days and this week I started taking it with my bike. So I ride to the station and then from the drop off point downtown I ride to work. It is totally awesome.

Yesterday I was waiting for a guy to get on the train and he stopped and motioned me to go. So nice. He waited until I got my bike on and he got seated and then started talking about how much he loves the light rail. I was in total agreement. We chatted until his stop and then he said something that was so refreshing:

"Thank you for you kindness."

Wow.

Mike and I are big fans of "The Amazing Race" TV show, the one where I think nine teams race around the world. Sunday was the finale and we watched the first half, in which one of our favorite teams was eliminated. In their goodbye video one of the women said something that hit me:

"We've traveled all over the world and everywhere we went their were nice and loving people."

Everywhere.

I agree with them. As an activist and as someone who tries to be a voice for all of the voiceless, it does seem sometimes that there are more "not loving" people than there are loving people. I try to bring love and kindness to every interaction I have. Not always easy. As a gay vegan who gives  a crap about little things like equality, animal torture, and oppression, I have gotten my share of hate, yelling and judgment. Some times it's right in my face and others it's behind my back.

Yet I still believe, as the women do who were on "The Amazing Race", that there are a lot of good people in the world. They might not be on the same path as I am, they might not know all about veganism or animal cruelty or the spiritual genocide of gay people, yet in their daily lives they try to do good. And like me, many of them try to be better people all of the time.

Food for thought.

Today I rode my bike from the office to get coffee. On my way back I was casually riding, listening to an awesome song and feeling blissful. I rode by anotherr guy on his bike, waved and said good morning. His smile covered his whole face. I don't know him at all. I don't know if he's vegan or gay friendly or cares about anything other than himself. I do know that on his way to wherever he was going this morning, he encountered kindness.

I hope you do too.

And I hope you show kindness in any form today.

Thank you for reading.

Another gay teen suicide

It happened January 19th. A loving young man named Jaden Bell hung himself in La Grande, Oregon. On a playground. He was 15.

I haven't been able to find that much information on Jaden. I read an article about a candlelight vigil attended by over 200 before he was taken off of life support. Many fellow high school students described him as loving and compassionate.

There was also talk of Jaden being bullied. One article said that he had begged his parents to allow him to be home schooled and that he had recently asked school administrators for help.

I keep thinking of how much this world needs another loving and compassionate person.

From Jaden's mother: “The next time you are thinking of being unkind to someone, think to yourself, if that person was a member of your family, would you want them treated like that?” Don’t treat them like that.” 

There is so much unkindness in this world. 

I have written about bullying and hatred and being kind. This morning, as I think about Jaden  walking to that playground, I don't know what else to write.

Well, maybe just some reminders:

We have the power to speak out against hatred and bullying.

We have the power to speak out against hate speech, regardless of who it is coming from.

We have the power to love one another.

Thank you for reading. Think about Jaden today.