Saturday, July 20, 2013

Don't be a dick

NOTE: My apologies if this word offends you. Not my intent. It's the word I use to refer to poor behavior on my part.

I have never shied away from writing truly personal blog posts and this one goes along that line.

Many days I say to myself that no matter what goes on today, don't be a dick.

I always try my best to be as loving and compassionate as possible. It might look easy. It's not.

Whether I am driving somewhere, sitting in a meeting, watching someone treat someone else disrespectfully... the list could go on and on.

This has become my main goal every day (well one of two actually): to not be a dick. I guess I could use the word "jerk" instead, but that really isn't as powerful of a word. I suppose super-jerk would be more fitting. In case you're curious, my second main goal is to be as much of service as possible to the world I live in.

Recently I was in a meeting talking about a future plan of action. I was happy, feeling centered. All was well in my world. Another person at the meeting started talking about something (I don't even remember what) and just doesn't stop. I become inpatient, and before you know it everyone around me can tell. My sweet, loving self has started going down the path of becoming a dick. Fortunately I didn't say anything.

To be clear, being a dick and being a voice for the voiceless are two very separate things. I would not hesitate to get in someones face who was being abusive to an animal, using anti-gay words or being violent to someone. What I am talking about is totally different.

Some people jokingly call it their dark side. For me, when I start being a dick, it usually means that something is going on inside of me. Someone says something I disagree with and I get all pissed off.

I am getting better. I have tools and ideas to consider when I start feeling negative or angry. The biggest thing I can do is to remind myself that I do not want to treat others in a way that I do not like to be treated. And that I want to treat everyone I encounter with love, compassion and kindness.

I also remember simple things my mother taught me growing up: take a deep breathe, count to 10, stick and stones.

I would LOVE to hear your experiences around this. Can anyone relate?

Thank you for reading!


  1. This is a great way of framing things. Sometimes I'm in a bad mood (for whatever reason - hungry, tired, in pain...), and I'm a little snappish with people and meaner than I want to be. At the end of the day I forgive myself, put it to bed, and strive to be better the next day.

    1. I feel emotions very strongly, and I use to say whatever, and then the communication was not productive, to say the least. Now I am better at feeling an emotion, and deciding what to do with it, or how to express it. Knowing now that I am not my feelings, that they come and go, I can manage them, with breathing, excusing myself, or just sharing but with no hurtful words aimed at the other person. Screaming helps outside ;)
      The other trick I use, to ask myself about what I'm going to say is "Is it true?" Is it kind?" Is it necessary to say?" Usually if I remember, I refrain from spewing...!

  2. My experience is that if (as a last resort) I am simply not saying anything, it's apparent. In my energy, or whatever consciousness I'm bringing to the encounter. That's not the same as being a dick (wherein I actually say something a dick would say), so there's that small mercy.

    Practicing compassion is no job for wimps. Keep not-fighting the good not-fight!

    1. Thanks for sharing this! Appreciate your support!

  3. My 'inner dick' comes out when I move from frustrated to angry. I have to step back and check myself. Over the years I've been able to channel frustration to do positive work (Rescue), but there's still days where it morphs into all-out anger and I am a complete dick, then my mouth just starts with the word vomit. I have to keep reminding myself that stupidity and ignorance aren't crimes...

  4. Sometimes it's really hard to control our emotions. Especially for us redheads! I don't like being mean to people and if I'm unkind, I usually feel so guilty about it later. I have very low tolerance for close-minded, judgmental, obnoxious and arrogant people. But sometimes it's better to remove yourself from a situation, if at all possible. When I see myself getting really annoyed, which is often (I'm telling you it's the hair!), I will try to leave the room and take a break to cool down. Also, sometimes I have to agree to disagree with others. Otherwise their ignorance would drive me MAD!!! Plus, Zoloft REALLY helps! Seriously, it has changed my life! :)

    It's such a struggle for me to not become a cynical person. I really struggle with this on a daily basis. Being hurt by men for most of my life, learning about the abuse and murder of innocent animals, dealing with people that do not share my views of marriage-equality and a vegan lifestyle, etc....All of these things weigh on me constantly. But I do believe in my heart, that there is more good in this world than bad. And I try to remind myself of this often.

    So, yes, I can definitely relate. We all have our inner dicks. OK, wait...What??? ;)

    Keep your head up! (No pun intended.) Wishing you love, laughter and peace. Take care of each other. xo

  5. Thank you so much for this beautiful comment! Sending you lots of love!

  6. This really is the hardest thing for me. I work in an environment that is very competitive so many times people are putting you down or passing you advice in a condescending way. Usually I try to to ignore the negative energy but sometimes it gets the best of me and I react...and become a dick. Every day I ask the universe for strength and patience. Most day it grants it to me, but I struggle with the days I don't have it. I love your blog, thanks for all the great posts.

  7. Hi Patricia. Thanks so much for the kind words!

  8. I have a confession, Dan. I was totally a dick on Twitter today! This ignorant jerk started attacking me because of my vegan diet. He kept claiming vegans are the most judgmental people while he was judging me! I admit that I did not handle myself with the most admirable behavior. However, I believe in standing up for what I believe in. Plus, this jackass had it coming! You can see the evidence of my dicky attitude on Twitter now. Usually I would feel a bit guilty. But this time, I do not. He deserved it.

  9. Thanks for sharing. The truth is some vegans are judgmental, as are a ton of other groups of people. Appreciate your support!