Can we disagree with courtesy?

Prairie dogs.

Recently one of our local TV stations wrote a Facebook post about 500 prairie dogs being in danger of a new transportation project. The station asked for people's opinions on whether or not people cared about the plight of the prairie dogs that would be affected.

Holy cow.

Maybe I have not been paying attention, but when did it become OK to write such disgusting things about people you happen to disagree with?

I honestly couldn't believe some of the responses. As I read them, I realized that any conversation around prairie dogs had long been dismissed.

I wonder how often this happens. I wonder how this became acceptable.

Because it's not. It's certainly not how I ever want to be, and how I hope people who try to be a voice for the voiceless are not either. There is no good that comes out of disrespect towards other people simply because they have an opinion that is different than mine, or our.

So how can we change? Or can we? I definitely believe that we can change this. I believe that if we kindly call folks on their responses and always be a beacon of courteous comments, even when we disagree.

Please understand that I am not saying that we become passive with our beliefs and around what we fight for. I'm simply saying that we can disagree with people and honor our cause or whoever we are fighting for. Being mean in a public forum does no good for the voiceless we are trying to be the voice for.

This is something I continually work on. Simply put, discourse can by polite. Who knows, people's minds have changed over much less than being greeted with kindness.

Thanks for reading!

Thank you! One step forward with civil unions

I wanted to jump, scream and shout all at once.

But I couldn't. No one could. To the legislators voting for or against a step towards equality it was business. There was another bill to vote on right after. So the Speaker of the House politely asked everyone in the chamber to be quiet.

All of the emotion hit me as I walked back to work. This is not marriage. It was still a step for us, a pretty big step. And walking out of a building where one year ago I cried as bigotry won out once again, I cried as I thought of the love of my life and the fact that a civil union would do just fine for now. For now.

And bigotry lost today. It lost big time. I don't think for a second that there are not still bigots out there. I just think that the tide is turning.

The purpose of this blog post is to thank all of you who voiced your opinion during this many year process. Thank you for taking the time to speak out for Mike and I and the thousands of other gay and lesbian couples in Colorado. Thanks for the call and thanks for the email. Thanks for proving my point that in the end, love will always prevail over hate.

I have heard a lot of bs over the years in regards to anything around equality for gay people. This year during the debate for civil unions was not different. It's hard to take anyone seriously, let alone religious extremists, who slam a bill for not having religious exemptions when the same bill they slammed last year did have exemptions. Blows my mind. And they have the frickin' nerve to talk about freedom!

If you have read my blog or know anything about me you know that for me this is just a step. I want nothing short of full marriage equality. I'm not going to stop until that day. I hope all of you will continue this journey with Mike and I, as your support means so much.

We are so incredibly grateful for all of you. We totally are.

The Governor will sign this bill later in the week. On May 1st civil unions will begin. The day before that is our 8th wedding anniversary so it looks like that weekend will be busy for us!

Sending love to all of you.

Thank you for reading!

Powerful words

We all have been there. Someone says something to us and it stings. Perhaps that was their intent, perhaps not. In this age of online communication it's difficult to figure out what someone "really meant" sometimes.

In many more cases, we can communicate face to face with individuals and have a little more power in how our conversation is received. Facial expression, hand gestures, whether we are smiling or not.

I wanted to write about the power of the spoken world because of a few conversations Mike and I have involved in, particularly in the vegan part of our community. It surprises me still that people will be on the verge of meeting us and will attempt to sum our entire existence up in a matter of minutes. We should do this. Have we thought of this? Why spend so much time on that? It's actually amazing that more often we find ourselves meeting people who really don't want to get to know us, or actually converse, yet want to immediately tell us what they think we should be doing.

I'm not sure if this is because we have this blog, because of our blog name, or because we try to be so open. The god thing is that we are not going anywhere. We are firmly and confidently rooted in the vegan community. What concerns me is how people who are just getting to know us as a community feel.

Are we a welcoming community? Or are we a judgmental community? I like to think that we are welcoming, that after all we represent the voices of the millions who cannot speak. We are their voice. Especially for those of us who are vegan for the animals.

Our blog is about building bridges, being a voice for the voiceless and spreading the message of love, compassion and equality. Those messages can easily get diluted if we spend more time talking or writing about what you should be doing than how we can all work together.

It's not always easy. The other day Mike and I just sat while someone we had just met shared their opinion. She didn't even know us!

And then there are the instances where we and our readers (I know this because of what our readers share with us) receive the wrath of people who don't want to open their minds or hearts to why we are vegan and how we believe in not wanting to harm any sentient being.

As I recently wrote to a reader, "it's important to not cross the line from being a queer vegan to becoming a queer vegan asshole while responding to hateful or disrespectful words".

Our words are powerful. In the same time frame that I am writing about I saw someone that has completely judged me for being gay. I don't want to be their best friend but I can approach them with kindness and say hi. I did. They smiled and engaged in conversation with me. They know that their judgment of gay people is unacceptable to me and that is what matters to me.

My goal is to use my spoken words to spread love, compassion and tolerance. To open minds. To be that voice for all of those sentient beings that suffer. I definitely do not want my words to harm others.

Thank you for reading. I really appreciate those who read our blog, support our blog and engage with us!

I got a job!

The day I was laid off was tough. Not money tough or fear tough or what am I going to do tough. It felt personal. No matter who said what, if felt like getting fired for not being good enough. I wasn't sure if I wanted to share all of that on my blog, of getting laid off and the process I was going through. Well, I did. I posted a blog post about losing my job and it became one of the most read, most commented on posts I have written.

The gift in that, beyond continuing to always use my blog as a way to help others, be a voice for the voiceless and build bridges, was that our blog readers were incredibly supportive of the process I was going through. For that I am beyond grateful and want to say thank you to all of you who wrote messages of support.

During my 22 days of being unemployed I learned a lot. I learned that there is a stereotype or even prejudice around the unemployed and that even folks who are unemployed don't like telling people that. I was having a wonderful conversation with this guy, and his whole interaction with me changed when I told him that I was unemployed. I was blown away.

My experience of being unemployed was short lived. I am grateful for that. I am also grateful for the huge amount of friends and colleagues who invited me to coffee or lunch, called to check in, told me about a job, helped with my resume and cover letters, gave a gift card of some kind or swung by the house with a hug and flowers. The support I got was incredible and I hope all of us can be as supportive whenever a friend loses their job.

On my 22nd day of being unemployed I accepted an offer at an agency in town that helps homeless teens. I am super excited and can't wait to start! I will continue in fundraising, which is what I love to do.

I hope to write an e book about searching for a job. I will keep you posted. I also made changes on my fundraising blog, adding links to job search websites in an effort to help folks still looking for a job.

Thank you!

And thank you for reading this!

Chico the foster dog

 Mike and I have been fostering dogs from local shelters and rescue groups since we have been together. It is part of what we do to volunteer and to help dogs who might have a tough time being adopted at the shelter, especially those who have been abused, neglected or who are older.

And yes, we have had what they call a failed foster. Shadow, our beloved 18 year old cockapoo who passed away last year started out as a foster. Of course at 14, no one was seriously interested in adopting her so we did. That was one of the best decisions we ever made!

Last weekend we went to MaxFund to see if they needed any of the dogs to be fostered. A few minutes later we met Chico, an 8 year old Pekingese (mix?) who has one eye and is just the cutest. A few days later I went and picked him up and he became our latest foster dog.

He is laying on a doggie bed at my feet while I write this post. I am kind of surprised as he is filled with fear, as most of our fosters are when they arrive. But this morning he went outside and came back in without encouragement (or force!) from us and he even ate breakfast. Last night he jumped out of bed with me and instead of staying cowered under the kitchen table he jumped up on the couch and went back to sleep.

The process for a foster dog who is that frightened is a long one. And it is wonderful watching them get more and more comfortable in the home, and eventually be so comfortable that we can begin having people over who are interested in adopting them.

I have written many times about volunteering at a local shelter as part of taking small actions to make the world a better place for all living beings. Fostering an animal from your local shelter is a great thing to do that will definitely change the life of an animal who could really use your help.

Oh, and Chico needs a forever home! If you live in the Denver metro area and are interested in him please let me know!

Thank you for reading!

Action of the week - reach out

I am still unemployed (today is day 21) and have been able to take "me" time during my job search. By the way, I did receive an offer letter yesterday and am hoping to take this job after looking into the benefits.

Yesterday I went to the Max Fund, a local shelter here that Mike and I support and where I have been volunteering for 12 years. We have fostered a bunch of dogs from here and last Saturday swung by to check about fostering Chico, a one-eyed Pekingese mix who is 8 years old and they believe would be better off right now in foster.

I had time yesterday after a lunch appointment to go visit with Chico again. He is pretty snappy and I wanted to see if he acted any differently on a slower day at the shelter. His only interest in my was to try to bite me, not in a way to harm me as he doesn't bite down, he just snaps.

While visiting with Chico a gentleman came into the shelter asking if he could pick up some food for his dogs. I am not sure of his situation except that he is experiencing difficult times and was asking for dog food as he could not afford it.

I wanted to tell him that I would buy all the dog food he needed until his times got better, but the Max Fund employee said to him that he would go check to see what they had. The employee came back in less than five minutes with a couple of bags of dog food. I was ecstatic.

If you are still thinking about Chico, more to come on him. I am going back today to bring him home as a foster. And you know that means a Chico blog post soon!

Do you know anyone like the gentleman who came in to Max Fund? Would you reach out to them with some dog food or treats, or a pound of coffee? Perhaps a care package with some treats? Mike and I are financially good right now but the gifts people have given since I lost my job did more than give us something nice, they filled us with love and gratitude. That's the perfect gift!

I have been unemployed for 21 days and have been blown away by the love and support I have received from friends, family, colleagues and people I don't even know. My hope is that all of us can do this, reaching out to those who might be in need. When the economy went downhill I clearly remember shelters I volunteer at getting more and more filled with dogs and cats from families who could no longer afford their care because of loss of a job or home. What can all of us to to support those who aren't quite there yet, but are struggling to care for their beloved companion animals?

Today when I go to the Max Fund going to donate dog and cat food for families struggling. I don't know what else to do but will ask them. I'm not sure how many animal shelters or homeless shelters have options to support those struggling, but I am sure there is something all of us can do.

Will you join us and reach out to those in need?

Thank you for reading!

The Boy Scouts of America and equality

Being an openly gay man who believes in equality and fights every day for it, I have never really cared for or about the Boy Scouts. I have friends whose kids are involved in the Boy Scouts, and on that local level I think it can be great. The policies I have a problem with come from the top, the leadership of the BSA.

In some ways, I look at them as simply as an extension of the bigoted and discriminatory thought process of the Catholic and Mormon churches.

Their policy against gay men having anything to with the Boy Scouts has been hurtful to some, devastating to many more.

Before I continue please remember that I was raised Catholic and loved it. A lot of my family members and friends are Catholic, and I still believe that the work Catholic priests and nuns did in Central America in the '70s and '80s in regards to human rights was incredibly brave and part of what convinced me to be an activist. And what strengthened my faith. Social justice and human rights are still at the core for some in the Catholic church.

Back to the Boy Scouts. You might have heard that they are considering changing their policies around gay men. I haven't read all of the press reports yet but what I have read isn't that promising. This chapter over here could be safe for an openly gay man but this chapter over there, well no thank you. After years of telling chapters across the country who they can or cannot allow in, they suddenly feel that telling chapters who they can allow in is wrong. Seriously?

Yes, seriously.

On the other gender side of this you have the Girl Scouts. No policy against openly lesbian women participating on any level and they are thriving. By the way, I need to buy some Girl Scout cookies! Mike just told me that there are two vegan options this year. Those of you who know a girl scout, send them my way!

Bigotry is ugly. It harms more people than we know, and on more levels than we can even comprehend. And the biggest problem that I have with it is that is is absolutely unnecessary.

Bigotry is unnecessary.

We don't have to like everything about a person to honor their humanness. To respect them. To realize that they have the right to exist and to live in a world free of hatred or violence, whatever form that violence takes.

The Boy Scouts of America still don't get it.

Thank you for reading.

Living in exile

I used to think that only gay people had to deal with this based on my personal experiences. Of course that has never been true.

The Christmas before I came out I was with some friends who were also gay and in the Navy and they were talking about going to Washington DC for the holiday. I thought it odd that they wouldn't go home and their response was that this is what it was like to live in exile. Back then, as now, some families did not want their openly gay children at family gatherings or special occasions. Yes, it's hard to imagine and I assure you this still happens.

More common these days is that the gay family member will be "invited" to the big family gathering or special occasion but the partner or spouse is not welcome. Yes, in 2013, this conversation is being had at many kitchen tables and in many living rooms.

When my cousin Jennifer got married she made it very clear that me and my partner were invited. This was back in 1997 and it almost seems like a lifetime ago. Jennifer and I had grown up together, I love her very much and it didn't even come close to a thought that my partner would not be invited to her wedding. (Not to mention that gay people stereotypically give great wedding gifts!)

In the 23 years that I have been out there have been many times I did not want to attend a family gathering because of who might be there or what might be said in front of my partner and now husband. I have always understood that there will be people everywhere, in and out of family, that are not comfortable with me dating or being married to a man. Knowing this helps me in making decisions on whether or not I want my beloved to be treated poorly. This is more like self-imposed exile, and it is no fun.

 Mike and I have family members who decide not to visit us because they are afraid they won't be able to eat meat while visiting us. The practice in our home is that there is no violence allowed, including that of eating animals. It's really not that big of a deal as our neighbors are not vegan and there are a ton of places to eat around us that serve meat.

And then there is religion. Friends who are of different faiths in their parents eyes are not included in certain gatherings because one of them is not of the family faith.

And race. The list could go on and on. Whether we choose to not be a part of something or that choice is made for us, living in exile is no fun. What we can do about it is to show up at gatherings with love and openness and to accept nothing more than love and recognition for who we are or who our partner or spouse is. We can also make sure that through word and action we never allow friends or family to live in exile, whether it is self-imposed or not.

We want our friends and family to always feel love and support from us, to always know that they have a safe, loving place in our home.

To anyone reading this is is living in exile: You are not alone. We love you.

Thanks for reading.