Why are The Gay Vegans following me?

I wanted to title this post "Why on earth are The Gay Vegans following me?" but that was a bit long of a title, especially for twitter.

I love building community. And I do a lot of that online. Our blog has accounts on Google+, Instagram, Tumblr, Facebook and Twitter. I use each one for different purposes, and I never blindly connect them all so the same post goes to all of them. I do use them to spread my blog posts, but I also use them to meet folks I'd like to know and to build community with folks who might not normally be in community with gay vegans.

Being 48 and wanting to be as healthy as possible, I like connecting with others who work out and are into fitness. When I see someone who says that they are vegan are into fitness too, I like to connect with them.

That doesn't always go over well. So I want to clear the air if you will.

If I connect with you through social media it is because that something you are doing either inspires me, I want more of it in my life, or it's something I want to learn more about.

It doesn't mean I am hitting on you for goodness sake! Or that I want to offend you in any way!

There are a bunch of folks out there who inspire me. They may be totally out about being a follower of Christ, or vegan, or raw, and I make the attempt to connect.

They are not always thrilled. Recently on twitter, a vegan guy wrote how he couldn't believe The Gay Vegans would connect with him. After all, he's Christian, and far right. We exchanged some tweets and after I saw other tweets where he wrote to others saying that he was just going to have fun with us I disconnected.

Seriously?

He is a vegan athlete, including being a runner, and of course I would want to be connected with him.
But I get it. There are just always going to be folks who for whatever reason do not want to be connected with gays and/or vegans.

Another guy, on Instagram, deleted my comment on a photo of his saying that he was inspiring me.

So...

If The Gay Vegans connect with you on any of the social media listed above and you do not want to be connected with us, please just tell me. I will disconnect and all will be well in the world. I honestly only wanted to build relationship and let you know that something you are doing inspires me or teaches me.

I hope this clears the air.

Thanks for reading.

Looking at ourselves

This past week sure has been eye opening for me. To read more on that go back one post and read "no homo". Through that post and conversation and comments that were a result of that post, I have realized things that are hard for me to stomach.

Forgive me while I just share some random thoughts.

I have been part of the vegan community for along time. I know we have our faults. A community filled with so much passion and compassion in trying everyday to decrease animal suffering is also a community as diverse as any other. We all come from from different parts of the country (and world!) and we all have our life experiences outside of being vegan.

Also, we all have different reasons for becoming vegan and participate in different levels of activism.

This isn't only in the vegan/animal rights communities. I find it in local politics, the LGBTQ communities I am part of as well as the homeless activist community I am proud to be a part of.

Regardless of what community we are a part of and are passionate for, we are a representative of that community. Like it or not, our actions and our life steps have an affect on what others may think of our community.

For me as a vegan and animal rights activist, I am very aware that I represent the billions of animals that suffer for food, fashion and entertainment. I am asked about that all of the time. If I am acting like an ass, and folks know I am vegan, it doesn't look good for the voiceless animals whom I am trying to help.

Racism, heterosexism, sexism, homophobia, hate, etc. have no place in the vegan/animal rights communities.

The more I wrote about "no homo" the more I learned how many people use the comment. People in the vegan/animal rights communities. It was totally disheartening.

Many times in my life I have to look in the mirror and take a good look at who I am and what I am doing. My language, my behavior. How does someone feel about veganism after an encounter with me? Do my posts, tweets and comments reflect well for the voiceless?

I don't like when I hear homophobic comments at vegan events. I don't like realizing that there is acceptability by vegan athletes around the term "no homo".

So I speak out against it. I let folks know that what they are saying is offensive.

And then I go back to that mirror and take a good look at myself.

Thanks for reading and thanks for being a voice for the voiceless.

Living in exile

I used to think that only gay people had to deal with this based on my personal experiences. Of course that has never been true.

The Christmas before I came out I was with some friends who were also gay and in the Navy and they were talking about going to Washington DC for the holiday. I thought it odd that they wouldn't go home and their response was that this is what it was like to live in exile. Back then, as now, some families did not want their openly gay children at family gatherings or special occasions. Yes, it's hard to imagine and I assure you this still happens.

More common these days is that the gay family member will be "invited" to the big family gathering or special occasion but the partner or spouse is not welcome. Yes, in 2013, this conversation is being had at many kitchen tables and in many living rooms.

When my cousin Jennifer got married she made it very clear that me and my partner were invited. This was back in 1997 and it almost seems like a lifetime ago. Jennifer and I had grown up together, I love her very much and it didn't even come close to a thought that my partner would not be invited to her wedding. (Not to mention that gay people stereotypically give great wedding gifts!)

In the 23 years that I have been out there have been many times I did not want to attend a family gathering because of who might be there or what might be said in front of my partner and now husband. I have always understood that there will be people everywhere, in and out of family, that are not comfortable with me dating or being married to a man. Knowing this helps me in making decisions on whether or not I want my beloved to be treated poorly. This is more like self-imposed exile, and it is no fun.

 Mike and I have family members who decide not to visit us because they are afraid they won't be able to eat meat while visiting us. The practice in our home is that there is no violence allowed, including that of eating animals. It's really not that big of a deal as our neighbors are not vegan and there are a ton of places to eat around us that serve meat.

And then there is religion. Friends who are of different faiths in their parents eyes are not included in certain gatherings because one of them is not of the family faith.

And race. The list could go on and on. Whether we choose to not be a part of something or that choice is made for us, living in exile is no fun. What we can do about it is to show up at gatherings with love and openness and to accept nothing more than love and recognition for who we are or who our partner or spouse is. We can also make sure that through word and action we never allow friends or family to live in exile, whether it is self-imposed or not.

We want our friends and family to always feel love and support from us, to always know that they have a safe, loving place in our home.

To anyone reading this is is living in exile: You are not alone. We love you.

Thanks for reading.