Friday, June 8, 2012

The end of a friendship

Sometimes while I am enjoying my amazing life filled with wonderful friends, loving family, my incredible husband, I easily forget that my life was not always this way. I remember what is was like before I came out, before I got interested in human rights and animal rights, and before I was so comfortable in my own skin.

Today I lovingly let go of someone I have called friend since 1989. We were both in early sobriety together, in the Navy, and at one point lived together. I have loved him for a long time. He was part of my life in those challenging days when I was just starting to be OK with me.

In this world of social media I think we both realized how different we are. Maybe we have always been this different but seeing each other's Facebook posts made it crystal clear.

So it was with great sadness when I realized I hadn't seen his posts in a while and went to his page, seeing that we were no longer "friends" on Facebook. We have talked a couple of times this year about my blog and our differences of opinion.

It's not like I see him often. It's been about two years. But the love has always been there, perhaps misguided.

This blog is all about building bridges. My main mission statement would be that we all have more in common than not. That our differences don't mean we need to attack each other or demonize each other.

I texted him to tell him that I love him and that I understand.

The world I live in, the world where I live in bliss and am ever so grateful for all I have, isn't necessarily reality. I get that not everyone will like me, or that not everyone will want to be in relationship with me. I get that there will even be those who dislike me and want to attack me. I get it. I don't like it.

Relationships are tough. The liberal thing, the gay thing, the vegan thing, the animal rights activist thing, the gay and married thing; there are so many parts of me that can lead to differences.

My friend is a beautiful human being, loving husband, incredible father.

Perhaps differences of opinion are stronger than what I once thought. And perhaps one day he'll call and simply say that he was tired of reading my crap and blog posts on FB!

Thanks for reading! Please email me with your thoughts if you don't feel comfortable posting them as a comment!


  1. It is hard to let go of old friendships, but you did it with love and dignity. Bless and release, sometimes that is the best thing to do.

  2. This post really touched my heart, Dan. As you are well aware, I am a hetero, conservative carnivore living the basic mainstraim life so by outward appearances, we couldn't be more different. But guess what? I think you are AMAZING! I don't always share your views but I admire your passion for life. I embrace our differences respect your right to live your life according to your values. It is sad that some folks feel the need to distance themselves for those who differ, but I am proud to say that I am not one of them and that I love you!

  3. Just wanted you to know that I think you're wonderful. It's kinda funny that your friend could have simply unsubscribed or picked the option of seeing less posts but it sounds like he isn't even savvy enough to do that. His loss for sure.

  4. You are one loving guy & I embrace your message & all that you are from Portland, ME! <3

  5. Great post Dan! You are very sweet and thoughtful. Hopefully he realizes he made a mistake :)

  6. You are an amazing man Dan. And a bigger man than many to love unconditionally and without hesitation, I would like to believe that deep down we are all capable of that...though so many show time and again they just don't... but to also know that there are people and things that you must let go of for whatever reason. I love you.

  7. Sending HUGE love to all of you! Thank you SO much for your beautiful words and love!