My 14 faves of '14: Legal marriage!

#14! Thanks for reading my list!

By far, my favorite thing of 2014 is that Mike and I got legally married on February 14th.

What a day. I still tear up just thinking of it.

We were first married on April 30, 2005, yet that marriage was not legal. That was the best day of my life, marrying my love, my best friend in our church in front of 160 friends and family.

Yet as laws were changing we decided we wanted to be legal. So we went to our favorite spot, Torrey Pines State Beach, and got married. Our dear friend Jim did the honors.

The experience blew my mind. Just getting our marriage license was amazing, and emotional!

Here are a few photos:

Since then legal marriage has come to Colorado, so our marriage is recognized here!

Definitely my favorite thing/day of 2014!

Thanks for reading!

The pain of bigotry

 
It happened this week.

A same-sex marriage was recognized in Arizona.

In the form of a death certificate.

Of course the state of Arizona needed a little nudging from a federal judge.

I can only imagine what Fred McQuire was feeling as he picked up the accurate death certificate recognizing his marriage to his late husband, George Martinez.

Fred and George had been together 45 years.

What's all the fuss in denying couples marriage? What's the hurry? We should wait and think this through and see what the real harm will be?

The reason this was important, aside from being the right and just thing, was that now Fred can receive Social Security benefits and veteran benefits.

Bigotry continues to inflict pain on couples all over the U.S.

The U.S. Supreme Court has said that they will look at some state marriage equality decisions this month.

Meanwhile, many couple, like Mike and I, just wait. Although our marriage is legal in many states, it is not legal where we live.

So we will keep fighting. We will keep demanding equal marriage, and I personally will call attention to those in political power who continually fight against marriage equality.

Thanks for reading. 

Marriage equality in Michigan!

Grissom Middle School, Sterling Heights

Midland High School, Midland

I grew up in Michigan.

I grew up gay in Michigan. Some time in the Detroit suburb of Sterling Heights and a couple of years in Midland, further north.

All of my family is still in Michigan. Mike and I visit at least every other year.

I seldom talk positively about Michigan. That's my flaw. I just think it's dreary and don't have fond memories.  I remember the intense self-hatred. I remember the secret. I could never be honest with anyone. I could only survive day by day with my shame. Many days I didn't want to survive.
 
Fortunately for me I have recent awesome memories of time with old friends and vegan adventures. I have also realized in my adulthood that bigotry and hate are everywhere, not just in my home state. I actually get excited these days when Mike and I talk about a visit to Michigan. 

So this morning when I say photos of gay couples in line to get marriage licenses and of couples getting married, I bawled.

I bawled for quite a while.

The world is changing. Freedom is coming to many who previously had only dreamed about it. I honestly never thought the day would come when I could be legally married. Or would be legally married. I honestly never thought that marriage equality would ever come to the state that for me was synonymous with shame, brutal bigotry, and hate.

And here we are.

Whew.

Let's celebrate. And then let's continue to work towards full marriage equality throughout our country. Let's continue to speak out against bigotry and hate at every level.

Thanks for reading.

Our legal marriage Part II

Legally married!

Mike and I were legally married on February 14th at 4:31pm at Torrey Pines State Beach in San Diego.

Although we had already married in our church in 2005, and we both have said that this was just to make it legal, it was honestly one of the most amazing moments in my life.

The day before our ceremony we went to the San Diego County Clerk office to get our marriage license. In California you have to make an appointment for your license. We were both giddy. The clerk helping us was amazingly friendly, and there was a gay couple getting married by a judge. It couldn't have been any better. A world where two men getting a marriage license was no big deal.

Getting our marriage license!

The next day we were fortunate to be able to hang out with Lisa all day, and Jim took half a day off and joined us mid-day. We got dressed in our Hawaiian wedding shirts and off we went to the ocean.

A few minutes before the ceremony a thick fog rolled in and took a very sunny day and made it definitely not sunny. But it was gorgeous.

Just after the ceremony when we could see the sun again.

We gathered with our friends Jim and Lisa and their children as Jim prepared to marry us. I was

nervous. Ten years with Mike and nine years being married to him and I was nervous.

The ceremony was incredible. Jim was the perfect person to legally marry us and brought all of his love and compassion to the ceremony.

After a couple of poems and a couple of Bible passages read, Mike and I shared our vows.

I was in tears on and off. I was finally legally marrying the love of my life. My best friend. My good and perfect gift from God.

To all of you who have sent so much love our way, thank you! And thank you for reading this!

Our legal marriage

It is difficult at best to write about becoming legally married without getting tears in my eyes.

Tomorrow I will legally marry the love of my life. I call Mike my good and perfect gift from God.

With all of my brokenness as a human being, I have grown with Mike and because of Mike, have learned how to love on a level I never knew existed, have become more willing to let go and to truly care about another human being in a way I never knew was possible.

We were married in our church in front of friends and family in 2005. Tomorrow we will marry in front of a small group of friends at a place that is so special to us. And this time it will be legal, acknowledged by the state of California and the US government. It will be as legal as any heterosexual couple married in California the same day.

The support we have gotten has been incredible. Even from total strangers. The gals who gave us hair cuts yesterday were ecstatic that they were able to be a part of our day. I couldn't believe the happiness they exuded as we told him that we were both getting married on Friday, and yes, to each other.

The love from our friends and family and those who read our blog has been incredible.

As a 48 year old man who has been publicly out since he was 21, I admit I am a little jaded. Being gay has not always been a great conversation starter. Even today there are many who dislike and even hate gay people. They hide behind their holy book when in fact the truth is that they just do not want to live in a world where people like me and Mike exist.

I am tolerant of someones opinions that are contrary to mine when it comes to sexuality, equality and freedom. My tolerance ends when they believe that their beliefs should trump mine or quite honestly affect my life in any way.

Their hate is unfortunate. It is also unacceptable. As I become legally married, I will of course continue to always speak out against hate and intolerance.

If you would be so kind to do so, please think of us at 4:31pm Pacific Time as we legally marry. Send us your love, thoughts, prayers, meditations.

Thank you.