An act of hate

As I was thinking of this post, and of acts of hate, I realized that based on the title I could have an entire list of acts of hate just from the past week.

It seems that hate is embedded in our culture.

It's so easy to be kind to others. Yet some find that difficult, foreign and even unnecessary.

One night this week a friend was on her way home after a celebration. She stopped to get some groceries and was attacked, assaulted and spit on by a man who did not like trans women. I found out soon after the attack and have not been able to stop thinking of her since.

This happened in Glendale, CA, about 20 minutes from where we live.

I have been where she is. I can hide. I can make the decision, for safety reasons, to stop holding Mike's hand.

Imagine having to be afraid to go the store. Imagine having to live in a world where at any second some hate-filled creature could come  out of nowhere and attack you.

In this country, nineteen trans women of color have been murdered this year. I am grateful my friend wasn't number 20.

For those of us who are filled with love and kindness, for those of us who work for liberation for all people and for animals, for those of us who work tirelessly to make this world a better and safer place for all living beings, we must speak out against hate and violence.

We must make acts of hate so unacceptable that the cowards who perpetuate violence are stopped.

We have the power.

Thanks for reading.

Marriage equality happens. Now what?

Ecstatic is an understatement.

Add emotional and a few other feelings and you have what I feel now and really felt last Friday upon getting the news about the US Supreme Court ruling in regards to marriage equality.

Mike and I were married ten years ago in a ceremony we called " a loving act of civil disobedience" as we married in our home state of Colorado where marriage was not legal. Last year we went to our favorite beach (Torrey Pines in San Diego) and were legally wed.

Watching couples in Michigan, Ohio, North Dakota and Georgia brought on a flood of tears.

Of course not everyone is happy with the decision. The unhappiness began on the Court itself with those who dissented.

From Republican Presidential candidates to pastors to folks who just don't like gay people (including the previously mentioned), I have heard it all.

Here's what I have to say to those who are demonizing gay people and continuing the spiritual genocide against us:

No gay couple would want to be married by an anti-gay religious person in an anti-gay place of worship. So please stop with the fearmongoring about being forced to wed gay couples. No thank you.

We will continue to fight against hate and bigotry. Some of us are seasoned after living through the HIV/AIDS epidemic and dealing with so much bigotry against those with HIV/AIDS and then the ridiculous fight to be equal under the law in regards to marriage. And now we have some free time.

Traditional marriage. From the Old Testament? Multiple wives? Marrying teenagers? What exactly is traditional marriage? Marriage these days determines benefits and rights amongst couples. It shows the highest form of a couple's commitment. That's why I chose to marry my husband. And although we had a religious ceremony, I would be fine with a civil marriage.

Some Christians have said some terrible things about marriage and about gay people. There are more divorced heterosexuals in the U.S. than there are gay people but the hate does not extend to them.

There is something powerful in kindness. There is something powerful in love. I will continue to fight for equality and against bigotry, prejudice and hate. I won't demonize those against me, but I will not remain silent either.

More to come on this topic.

I'd like to close by saying thank you to all of those who have expressed kindness to us. I am truly grateful. The U.S. Supreme Court decision was intense for us for many reasons. We are still smiling.

Thanks for reading.

Be nice today

So many terrible things were said during this past election. I thought I had heard/read it all.

Until the President's speech last night.

Holy cow.

I started reading comments on Facebook and Twitter. Then I went to newspapers and TV websites. I have watched horrible things be said about our President and have always shook my head. What I have read in the last 24 hours just baffles me.

So much vile. So much hate. So many terrible words not only about the President but about immigrants, liberals, and anyone who might support anything the writer disagrees with.

I disagree with many when it comes to politics. And I agree with many. Those I disagree with I choose not to hate or demonize.

I'm much more about finding what we have in common and building bridges. Having a conversation. Debating our thoughts, ideas and solutions.

So I am going to be nice to those I disagree with. I am not going to become a person filled with negativity, judgment and hate.

I am just as powerful of an activist while filled with kindness.

Thanks for reading!

We have more in common than not

I have always believed that each of us have more in common with one another than not.

It may not always be clear.

And many will have a difficult time acknowledging it.

But we do.

I can spend all day reading comments from people who despise gay people. People who think that gay people are deviants, individuals doomed to hell.

One woman on Facebook, in response to seeing the new pro-football player Michael Sam kissing his boyfriend after getting the news that the St. Louis Rams had picked him up in the NFL draft, said that the video made her almost vomit.

Seriously?

I have never understood the extreme hate that some hold towards gay people. It is especially unnerving when they use horrible words and then say they feel this way because of Jesus.

Name calling never really produces anything positive. Spewing hatred towards others, well what good can possibly come from that.

And yes, hate is spewed from our direction.

So we end up with a bunch of people calling each other names and hating on each other.

When the truth is, we all have more in common than not. Our differences tally up to a lot less than what we have in common.

I refuse to buy into the hate. I would rather reach my hand out in peace than hate on you.

I wish more people felt the same. 

Keep speaking out

As marriage becomes a reality for more and more gay and lesbian couples across the country, it is vital that we continue to speak out for equality.

What a week. Idaho. Virginia. Arkansas. Oregon. Marriage equality took positive steps in all of these states this weeks.

I loved watching hundreds of gay couples marry in Arkansas. I loved watching religious extremists in Idaho freak out when their ban on gay marriage was ruled unconstitutional.

And let the demonizing begin.

As all of these wonderful things were happening. anti-gay folk around the country became hugely fascinated with the newly-pro football player Michael Sam kissing his boyfriend. On TV for heaven's sake! One woman posted on Facebook that seeing those two kiss made her almost vomit!

Seriously?

Comment feeds filled with folks who just cannot imagine a world that includes gay people, let alone married gay people!

While all of this is going, we have to continue to speak out for equality.

While marriage equality spreads to more states, we have to continue to speak out for equality.

Please don't stop. Please don't stop your activism. Please don't stop calling people out on their bigotry.

The fight continues. The victories we have bring out more rage and more hate against gays and lesbians.

While that is happening, we cannot become silent.

This also goes for those who work to end animal cruelty or to promote veganism. The victories we have do not mean we can rest or become silent. They only mean that we have to keep fighting.

Thank you for reading!

Hating gays because of religion

He died this week. He spent much of his life spreading hate towards gays and lesbians. He became famous for colorful signs with big letters that read such nice things as "God hates fags" amongst other things.

If you don't believe in Jesus or heaven, his meaning to you might just be that he spoke out against gay people all of the time.

What I have always talked about in regards to this man and his band of people who traveled around the country with these signs is that what he is saying is no different than what many pastors say in the pulpit every Sunday.

No different.

Yet he got all of the attention. Maybe it was the colorful signs. Maybe "God hates fags" has a more offensive meaning than " if you are gay and have gay sex you are going to hell".

In churches, synagogues and mosques all over the country religious leaders condemn gay people. We are called sinners. We are called unnatural. We are called deviants. In some religious places we are called fags and faggots.

Regardless, there is no difference. The man who died this week said horrible things about gay people, and horrible things about anyone who came close to saying anything nice or supportive about gay people. The same things are said about us by other religious leaders.

So can we start calling them out too? Can we start telling them how awful the things they are saying are and how hurtful they can be.

If you believe in Jesus and you believe that what the Bible says regarding homosexuals means we are all going to hell, that's one thing. Vile hate or supporting laws that take away our freedom and liberty just doesn't work for me.

And please, do not hate in the name of Jesus. If you hate on gay people either with words or actions, please distance yourself from Jesus.

Mr. "God hates fags" has met his maker. In my belief system he sure has been surprised.

Thank you for reading.

Utah, ducks, free speech oh my!

What a week! I was completely taken by surprise when I saw a news flash yesterday that was about a federal judge ruling that the ban on same sex marriage was unconstitutional. What? And then before I knew it I was looking at a photo of a couple getting married in Salt Lake City. The mayor was marrying them!

The day before, the New Mexico Supreme Court had unanimously ruled that same sex marriage was legal in New Mexico.

If you know your geography, New Mexico is directly south of us and Utah is directly west of us. Salt Lake City is only an eight our drive; Santa Fe five.

Meanwhile, it seems many people are talking about a dude who shoots ducks for a TV show. Apparently he doesn't dig gay people. And he thinks God doesn't dig gay people.

What a conversation this has started. Folks outraged about free speech, many of whom I guess don't even know what free speech is. My understanding, which could be wrong, is that if you say something and the government is crashing down your door that night, dragging you out on the street and then puts a bullet in your head, well that is an infraction against free speech.

Dude lost his job, at least for now. Many Christians are in an uproar. Through all their anger, I haven't heard Jesus brought up at all.

Those gays, they have more rights than us!

People are seriously saying this.

Meanwhile, I am trying to remain peaceful and loving towards all. It goes back to believing that we all have more in common than not.

I don't have to like what you say or like what you do towards others. But I don't have to hate you for it. I can let you know how I feel, hopefully in a loving way, but I'm not going to embrace your hatred.

Thanks for reading!

Another World AIDS Day - In Loving Memory

December 1st is World AIDS Day. I write about this every year. Typically one of the least read posts I write.

I'm not sure why.

AIDS changed my life. Forever.

I remember the dark days. One death, then another, then dozens more.

The year my dear friend Felix died, 1992, over 40,000 other people, mostly gay men, also died.

In memory of all of those beautiful people who lost their lives. I will never forget the horrible loss, the bigotry, the hate, the disgusting words from politicians. I will also never forget the incredible community that came together to fight AIDS and to fight the bigotry, or the huge amounts of love.

This post is in loving memory of everyone who lost the battle. It was indeed a battle.

And it is not over.

In 2010, 15,529 people in the U.S. lost their battle.

In 2011, just over 49,000 people in the U.S. became HIV-positive.

For me, World AIDS Day is always about remembering. I will always remember. I will remember their impact on my life, their love, their friendship, their hugs, their smiles, the impact they had on me and the world they lived in.

I will always remember.

Thanks for reading.

Hate comes to The Gay Vegans

When you have a blog called The Gay Vegans you have to expect that not everyone is going to dig you. I get it all of the time. The gay part, the vegan part, the not vegan enough part, the smack from folks in different communities who just don't agree with something I have written about.

I'm used to all of that. And in many cases have had great conversations with people who I disagree with.

This morning I woke up to a nice serving of hate on our Facebook page. This is the stuff I don't like. As you know, we're in the middle of a two week dog and cat food drive for Animal Haus so we (us and our readers) can support those who are having tough financial times and need a little help with food for their companion animal.

I decided to use Facebook ads for the first time and had great success. The Gay Vegans blog was introduced to many people and we got donations from people we had never met.

Apparently our ad ended up on someones page who does not like gay people. He decided to post on our blog's Facebook page: "Keep your fag SHIT to yourself". He wrote more, in  acouple of places on our page, but no need to go into that. I was stunned. I mean we all have to look at Facebook ads that we wish we didn't have to. This dude took it to another level.

I was suddenly facing a reality that I had honestly forgotten about. We have a ton of readers and we get so much love, respect and kindness form them. We also get disagreement. But we don't get a lot of hate. Every once in a while we do, and it takes me aback.

I went to this gentleman's Facebook page and his first post was a photo that said something about hoping to be able to bless someone today.

I hope he's able to do that too.

Hate is a terrible thing. I write about it often. Only we have the power to stop it.

Thank you to all of you who have supported this blog. And more thanks to all of our readers who have donated to the dog and cat food drive!

And remember that you do not need to live in Denver to support the drive. You can make an online donation to Animal Haus at animalhaus.org . No donation is too small!

Thanks for reading!

The ugliness of hate

It was October of 1998 when I saw hate close to my community. It wasn't the first or last time, but was intense and horrifying. A couple of months after moving from Norfolk, VA to Denver, a young, gay college student named Matthew Shepard was beaten to death in Laramie, WY, a 2 1/2 hour drive from my cozy, safe apartment within a gay-friendly neighborhood in Denver.

I was shocked as the details of the beating of Matthew became public. Then a couple of days later he died in a hospital in Fort Collins.

To be fair, there is a new book about Matthew's murder that has just been published. I haven't read it. Apparently it's about Matthew's beating and murder not being about his sexuality.

From everything I had heard and read before I will find that difficult to believe. I'll let you know if I end up reading the book.

A year before I moved to Denver an African immigrant named Oumar Dia from Senegal had left the Hyatt (which is where I worked when arriving in Denver) and was waiting for a bus home. This was right across the street from the hotel. He was shot to death by a white supremacist who said to him "Are you ready to die for being a nigger?".

I had personally experienced hate and hate-inspired violence before. Oh, and hate speech. Fag, faggot, fucking faggot, fairy were words that had been yelled at to me in my past. Once I was out of the closet I was out. No more going back in regardless of how uncomfortable that made people feel.

One is not born with hate. One is taught hate. Whether it's hatred towards gay folk, women, people of color, immigrants... the list could go on and on.

I believe that hatred and hate-filled acts happen because someone did not say something. No one spoke up to say hey, your way of thinking is messed up. Someone laughed at a joke that wasn't funny. Someone used a disparaging word just to feel comfortable with others or to look "cool".

Hate is present in every community. You don't have to accept it or allow it.

Each of us has the power to stop it.

Thanks for reading!

Loving on Cassidy Campbell, first transgender homecoming queen!

I am thrilled to take a break from VeganMofo and write a brief post about what just happened last night at Marina High School in Huntington Beach, California!

Sixteen year old Cassidy Campbell had the guts to enter the contest for homecoming queen.

That courage blows me away. When nationwide, hate and violence are shown towards many in the transgender community, a young transgender woman enters a school-wide contest.

And she won.

As one who was miserable in high school I don't get the whole homecoming thing. I do get courage. And honesty. And honor. And I definitely get the feeling of who you are on the inside does not jive with who you present yourself to be on the outside.

"If I win, it would mean that the school recognizes me as the gender I always felt I was," Cassidy said in an interview with the Los Angeles Times. "But with all the attention, I realized it's bigger than me," she said. "I'm doing this for the kids who can't be themselves."

With all of the hate in the world, with all of the hate just in our own country and our own communities, I just had to share this.

Thanks for reading!

Going to the Olympics? Say you're gay!

The disgusting and disturbing stories continue to flow in from Russia. Gay and lesbian people are in a dangerous situation there, not only being targeted by violent thugs on the streets (many times wearing police uniforms) but also by politicians in the legislative system.

With the Olympics coming up next year in Sochi talk has turned to boycotting the Olympics. Sending a message to Mother Russia that your hate and violence towards gay people is unacceptable.

Unlike ours here in the US, but that's another blog post.

I'm sure there are many gay athletes who will travel to Sochi for the 2014 Winter Olympics. The International Olympic Committee is still trying to figure out how safe these athletes will be if they come out. Russian law is pretty clear that they, and anyone openly supporting them, could be arrested.

Yes, just for publicly saying you are gay or publicly supporting gay people.

My idea is this: Go to the Olympics, whether you are an athlete or a fan or a family member or you just like to watch winter sports. If you are an athlete, blow the Russians out of the water. If you are an athlete or any of the others I listed, say you're gay.

That's right, tell the Russians you're gay. Tell the folks at the airport, tell the hotel employees, tell the taxi driver, tell the restaurant folks, the bankers, the gift peddlers, the security people and any Russian you run into: I am gay.

Wear a t-shirt, paint your nails rainbow colors (Like a Swedish athlete did this past week), carry a little sign, make a huge sign for the whole world to see.

I realize that we gay people ask a lot of our straight allies and those who support equality. This would be a huge ask. HUGE. Imagine what it would look like to the Russian bigots and violent predators towards gay people if tens of thousands of people in Russia for the Olympics simply said they were gay! 

We have to speak out against this. Bigotry, hate speech and violence against gay people has to be met by those of us who support equality for all. We cannot let them have the only voice. Furthermore, I feel that I absolutely MUST take action to be a voice for the gay and lesbian people of Russia who live with the threat of violence or arrest every day, and yet still come out publicly and still show up for protests.

I am gay and I support my sisters and brothers in Russia.

Thank you for reading.

Closer to marriage equality

A divided US Supreme Court made public two decisions yesterday that will change our lives. Me and Mike's lives. And the lives of tens of thousands of other gay couples who are either already married or wish to be married.

In Colorado, where we live, there is a state constitutional amendment that defines government endorsed marriage as between a man and a woman. Recently civil unions became legal which offers Mike and I some state benefits.

We were married back in 2005. We did what many folks do: asked our pastor to marry us, he said yes, and then we joined 160 friends and family and got married.

We called our marriage ceremony "a loving act of civil disobedience". Mainly because that amazing ceremony was not legal in any way.

We have held off getting a civil union. With the news from yesterday we are talking about getting legally married in California, probably not in July when we go for our summer vacation but maybe later in the year. We are still trying to figure out if getting married there will mean that we can still be federally recognized in Colorado.

So we would be legally married in the eyes of the feds and would still have to get a civil union for any Colorado recognition.

Meanwhile, I am getting ready for work, my allergies are bothering me, Mike is fighting off bugs ravaging the garden, Rock our 17-year old Yorkie is whining about God knows what and we both are looking forward to the weekend.

Our lives and our marriage go on.

We will keep you posted on what we decide to do.

And whether this is your first time on our blog or you have been reading and supporting us for the whole time, it's important for us that you now how grateful we are to you. There is a lot of hatred in the world, and we are so fortunate to have so much loving support.

In the days to come, there will be a lot of hate speech against the Supreme Court decision and against gay people in general. Please join us in continuing to speak out for marriage equality and against hate.

Thank you for reading!

Another gay teen suicide

It happened January 19th. A loving young man named Jaden Bell hung himself in La Grande, Oregon. On a playground. He was 15.

I haven't been able to find that much information on Jaden. I read an article about a candlelight vigil attended by over 200 before he was taken off of life support. Many fellow high school students described him as loving and compassionate.

There was also talk of Jaden being bullied. One article said that he had begged his parents to allow him to be home schooled and that he had recently asked school administrators for help.

I keep thinking of how much this world needs another loving and compassionate person.

From Jaden's mother: “The next time you are thinking of being unkind to someone, think to yourself, if that person was a member of your family, would you want them treated like that?” Don’t treat them like that.” 

There is so much unkindness in this world. 

I have written about bullying and hatred and being kind. This morning, as I think about Jaden  walking to that playground, I don't know what else to write.

Well, maybe just some reminders:

We have the power to speak out against hatred and bullying.

We have the power to speak out against hate speech, regardless of who it is coming from.

We have the power to love one another.

Thank you for reading. Think about Jaden today.

Time to stop the hate

This blog post comes from my personal experience within several communities that Mike and I are a part of.

It's time to stop the hate.

Bullying on any level is wrong.

I am not going to say your behavior is OK.

Stop the verbal violence against each other.

Stop the character assasination.

Look in the mirror. The person you are being is not the person we know you are.

I wish this issue was rare. The more I listen to others I realize it isn't. A family member doesn't talk with you. Someone thinks you are not vegan enough. That person makes too much money. So and so told me that he told her that you said something bad about me. I hate that person so you must hate them too. Did you know he did THAT?!?!

It's the whole focus on the family deal. You are OK with me as long as you act just as I want you to act, believe just as I want you to believe, and don't you dare think otherwise.

I have been on the receiving line of all of this. It's not fun. It's hurtful.

So why do we do it? I have no clue. My daily goal is to make the world a better place for all living beings. And to love. Being part of any of the crap that I just wrote out has no place in my life and does nothing towards ending suffering in the world.

There is so much hate in the world.

Only we can stop it.

I can disagree with you but I will not hate you. I will set boundaries as to what behavior is OK and what behavior is not OK, but I will not hate you. If our disagreement is so strong that we should not be in relationship, as sad as that is then so be it. My love is stronger than any hate out there.

Thanks for reading. I am truly grateful. My email address is vegandude@msn.com if you would like to communicate with me without posting a comment.

Catholic bigotry from a Catholic perspective

I grew up Catholic and I have wonderful memories of my church, priests I knew, and activist Catholics who were my heroes. I was never one who has called myself a recovering Catholic, that just wasn't my experience.

I left the Catholic church when I came out. I remember clearly my last mass as a closeted gay man. I was on a ship (in the Navy), and after thoughtful prayer I walked away. The only time I have been back is to celebrate people getting married or who have passed, and the occasional time I go with my mom just to make her day.

In my office I have a poster, in Spanish, with all of the names of Catholic activists murdered in El Salvador in the 80's. I spent time in San Salvador going to places where the murders occurred and visiting the tomb of Bishop Oscar Romero, another Catholic hero of mine. There are many. As an activist I have learned a lot from social justice Catholics. Indeed, that's what I thought my church was all about until I came out: helping the poor, the sick, the imprisoned, the tortured, and those seeking justice.

Meanwhile, in Colorado, the Catholic hate against gays and lesbians is front page news. Outraged at being second-class citizens, groups have introduced yet another attempt to pass a civil unions bill. In Senate committee testimony, "members of Catholic Charities threatened to cut their services in the state if gay and lesbian couples were granted civil unions. That's right, they said they'd stop assisting the most vulnerable among us—including children waiting for foster or adoptive homes—if our families were protected under the law. The reality is that the Colorado Civil Union Act contains specific protections on religious freedom and ensures that no child placement agency will be forced to place a child with a couple in a civil union." (Taken from a press release from One Colorado)

This isn't a surprise as I believe they did the same thing in Illinois. I'm sure the Archbishop of Denver agrees with this stance, although I have a hard time finding Catholics (just basic, regular, church going Catholics) here who agree. And some Catholics around the country go gaga over Rick Santorum, who points to his Catholicism as reasoning for being anti-gay (amongst the many things he is anti towards). Even some animal rights activists can't help but drool over Rick Santorum as he is so animal friendly. There is no mention of his genocidal tone towards gay people when the drool flows. As if it doesn't matter.

It's time for these same Catholics to take a stand and say enough is enough. These same people have so much power, especially with their pocket books. Stop the spiritual war against gays and lesbians. Stop supporting religious hierarchies that have declared war on gays and lesbians.

Thank you for reading!