Chipping away at bigotry

Tony London and Tim Bostic check their marriage license out. Photo from the Virginian Pilot.

You might have heard about a US Supreme Court decision this morning. The Court decided not hear gay marriage cases, which means marriage equality has now come to a handful of additional states and perhaps even more. Before the news had gotten around, couple were getting ready to get married in Virginia. By the time I had a chance to get to my blog site, many couples had married in Virginia and even in Colorado, which has been indirectly affected by the ruling as we are one of the states that is part of the US Court of Appeals for the 10th District, which lifted its stay on marriages right after the ruling.

Whew! I apologize for the run-on sentence. This is an incredible day to me. It has honestly been difficult to not shed tears. Of joy, of course.

Finally.

This morning Colorado's Attorney General told all 64 county clerks to get ready to issue licenses. As of right now, two counties have begun. They decided not to wait.

All of the marriages that occurred in Utah last year but then held up until a Supreme Court ruling are now legal.

The plaintiffs in the Virginia case married in Norfolk just a couple of hours ago. They were the first to marry in Norfolk, my home town.

I am ecstatic.

Yet marriage equality is not law in every state. This was not a ruling making equality the law of the land. Many still cannot marry. Yet.

So please keep speaking out for marriage equality. Please keep fighting against bigotry, in any and every form.

Those who hate gay people and those who are against marriage equality won't stop fighting. Nor can we.

With elections coming up it is especially important to vote for candidates who support equal right and equal marriage. Vote!

Now it's time to go celebrate with Mike.

Thanks for reading.

Keep speaking out

As marriage becomes a reality for more and more gay and lesbian couples across the country, it is vital that we continue to speak out for equality.

What a week. Idaho. Virginia. Arkansas. Oregon. Marriage equality took positive steps in all of these states this weeks.

I loved watching hundreds of gay couples marry in Arkansas. I loved watching religious extremists in Idaho freak out when their ban on gay marriage was ruled unconstitutional.

And let the demonizing begin.

As all of these wonderful things were happening. anti-gay folk around the country became hugely fascinated with the newly-pro football player Michael Sam kissing his boyfriend. On TV for heaven's sake! One woman posted on Facebook that seeing those two kiss made her almost vomit!

Seriously?

Comment feeds filled with folks who just cannot imagine a world that includes gay people, let alone married gay people!

While all of this is going, we have to continue to speak out for equality.

While marriage equality spreads to more states, we have to continue to speak out for equality.

Please don't stop. Please don't stop your activism. Please don't stop calling people out on their bigotry.

The fight continues. The victories we have bring out more rage and more hate against gays and lesbians.

While that is happening, we cannot become silent.

This also goes for those who work to end animal cruelty or to promote veganism. The victories we have do not mean we can rest or become silent. They only mean that we have to keep fighting.

Thank you for reading!

Gay, vegan and voting

Election night was quite the night in our household. I am a geek when it comes to politics so election night is typically a flurry of going from website to website watching results as I watch local results on the television.

Last night was no different. Although there were no huge headline elections, I was very much interested in the Virginia governor's race, a congressional race in Alabama (go figure), school board elections in the county we live in here in Colorado as well as a tax hike initiative to support public schools in Colorado and a GMO labeling bill in Washington state. Whew.

The celebratory part of last night was that a bigot lost the governor's race in Virgina. Although I was accused last night of being "super nasty" when calling Ken Cuccinelli a bigot, the fact is he is a bigot. Although in the end the voters of Virginia didn't have a fantastic choice, I am relieved that there will be one less anti-gay, religious extremist in power. Wow, maybe I could just call him and people like him that rather than a bigot?

The celebration kind of ended there. As huge supporters of public schools and the funding of public schools, we were both devastated that our local school board now has three "reformist" members. All three candidates we supported lost. There is a lot of talk around what is actually best for students, and I will be the first to admit that I don't know all of the facts, yet in Colorado we have seen "reformist" school board members in Douglas County and from my point of view it isn't good. With a bunch of out-of-state money the "reformists" held on to power in Douglas County and now will be joined by similar thinking school board members in Jefferson County, where we live.

I haven't seen official results from Washington state. The notes I have read show that the GMO bill failed, yet that is not official as of the time I am writing this.

And in Alabama ( I know you are just waiting to read this part!) the less anti-gay guy won. The guy he beat told gay rights supporters in Alabama that they should move to California or Vermont and take their deviant lifestyles with them. OK, he only said the California and Vermont part but he has referred to us in the past as deviants.

All types of activists read this blog. Some because we are vegan, some because we are gay, some because we are also activists and fight for the voiceless. I absolutely believe that each one of us who is fighting for the voiceless and fighting to make this world a better place for all living beings have to get politically active and have to vote. We have to pay attention to what is going on in our own backyards.

Thank you for reading.

VOTE!

Although you television or radio is not filled political commercials, for many of our readers it is time to vote. Elections, especially local elections, are happening throughout the country. Even though issues may seem small, in most cases they aren't. A perfect opportunity for all of us to express our voice, or let a small group of people decide important issues.

In Virginia there is an intense governor's race. There seems to be a lot of distaste for both candidates. For us there is a clear choice as Cuccinelli is a proud bigot and would only bring more harm to equality and to women in a state I love so much.

There are wonderful people running for city council offices throughout the country. Check them out and let them know what you think.

Most importantly, and with very little fanfare, are the very important school board races. In Colorado this is a huge deal, since we have the infamous Douglas County School Board which has done a good job at wrecking public schools, creating an environment where too many good teachers and administrators are leaving and have placed personal politics over student education. This is a huge lesson in how important it is for us to pay attention to school board races.

We live in Jefferson County and there are three seats open. We'll be voting for Tonya Aultman-Bettridge, Jeff Lamontagne and Gordon "Spud" Van de Water.


We will also vote yes on Amendment 66 which is a tax increase bringing very much needed revenue to Colorado schools, especially those not usually looked at because the school districts are not wealthy. We don't have children but we totally get the deal that our public schools have got to rock and roll. We also do not buy the idea that teacher's unions are the problem. Our schools are hugely underfunded, and Amendment 66 would help with this.


I write a lot about being a voice, not only for the voiceless but for ourselves and our community. Please use your voice wherever you live and vote.


Thanks for reading!

Target supporting bigots. Again.

I never stopped shopping at Target. Calls for a boycott after news became public about their financial support for anti-gay bigots resonated with me but I kept shopping. Then I thought I heard that they had started giving to gay organizations and would stop supporting bigots.

Just to be clear, I think people can do whatever they want with their money. If a big company (or small business) chooses to support political bigots, so be it. I can then make the choice to not buy their product or shop with them.

As Mike and I packed for vacation I began getting information that Target, through their foundation, had donated to yet another anti-gay bigot, Ken Cuccinelli, who is running for governor in Virginia (which I consider my home state).

Ken Cuccinelli doesn't like gay people. He calls us "soulless". That is pretty harsh. He has said a bunch of other things about us, including that he wants to bring anti-sodomy laws back. He believes there is only one allowable way to have sex, and that way only includes one man and one woman. I digress from my original topic, but he also says he has never had or given or received oral sex. Red flags for sure.

Mr. Cuccinelli received $3 million dollars from a right-wing PAC called the Republican Governor's Association. Target donated $50,000 to the PAC. That is a lot of money. Imagine the bigotry that can be spread with that much money.

If Target did not want to support candidates that are anti-gay, they could say so when giving the donation.

My relationship with Target is on shaky grounds. Supporting a candidate that believes so many of their customers are soulless is disgusting.

Gay people shop at Target. Lots of us shop there.

I think we should stop. And I think anyone who believes in equality or even simple kindness should stop shopping at Target.

You see, when we shop at Target we end up supporting anti-gay bigots.

Ken Cuccinelli is a bigot, and Target loves him.

I would love your thoughts. Thank you for reading!

The 17 year vegan

This past January was my 17th anniversary of becoming vegan.

The final step for me was Ben and Jerry's Cherry Garcia ice cream. I had one more pint of it and then was ready.

For vegans, the world was completely different from today. For starters, there was no vegan Amy's mac-n-cheese. There was no Eat Pastry cookie dough and no Mercy for Animals. No vegan food blogs and no cool kale tshirts. There might have been some type of vegetarian festival happening somewhere but certainly not in my part of Virginia. (In fact, there was an annual animal conference in Norfolk, VA!)

The cowards who abuse and torture animals were still pretty much free to do so. It's only been in very recent times that felony charges have been brought against workers in the animal production world for cruelty to animals.

My reasons for becoming vegan were not radical, although many thought my decision to become vegan was radical. I simply had learned enough about what happens to animals that made me realize that I did not want to be part of anything that involved harming another living being. My thought process became one that surrounded the idea that every action I took would be one that would do as least harm as possible to other living beings.

I asked a lot of questions. I went to a lot of potlucks. I read a lot of books. Believe it or not, there was no internet (in my life at least) at that time. My learning about how to be a healthy vegan came from interacting with healthy vegans.

It's not perfect. And it grows. The vegan I am today is different from the vegan I was back in January of 1996. I know that although Pepsi and potato chips are vegan, I don't want to consume them all of the time. I have learned that veganism is a path, and my path of veganism does not have to look exactly like yours. I have learned that people go vegan for different reasons, and those that remain vegan for the most part are those who chose veganism because of the animals. I have learned that my veganism threatens other people, even though it really doesn't have to. And one of the big things I have learned, and experienced, is that becoming vegan is like becoming reborn in the food world. I have enjoyed so many different types of foods that I doubt I would have even considered trying had I not become vegan. The African Peanut Stew I made the other night is a great example.

I learned that I can get along with pretty much anyone out there, that we all have more in common than not. I also learned that harsh words, judgements and unkind actions towards me are unacceptable. One does not have to agree with me or even like me, but I don't give permission to those people to treat me any less. This includes everyone. I am not a Focus on the Family type of vegan or activist, meaning that I am not going to attack you just because we disagree. I am also not going to simply shut up. 

So at 46 (very close to 47) I am just as excited to be vegan as I was when I was 29 (yes I was 29 at one time). I  can only imagine what the next 17 years will bring for veganism and for animals who are tortured, beaten and live in fear just to become food. Or those who live their entire lives in a cage so that humans feel better about the medicines they pump into their bodies. Or the animals who die every day just because some coward has the capacity to kill them, usually without any consequences.

Meanwhile, I will continue on a path of compassion, tolerance, love and bridge building. I will continue to try to be a voice for the voiceless, all of the voiceless. I will continue to learn. And I will definitely continue to engage other in this world of blogging.

Thank you for reading. Will you please pass the kale?

The beginning of the end (Part II)

Just in case you did not read the first part of this series, these posts are about my end days in active alcoholism. I decided to finally write about this and walk through my fears of letting all of our readers know about this as I continually see alcoholism and addiction take it's toll on activist communities.

Christmas Eve I decided to drive to Midlothian, VA and go to a party held by old family friends. Midlothian is just west of Richmond, not too far of a drive from Norfolk.

The week prior had been full of activity as the largest naval base in the world filled up for the holidays. Many people were arriving on ships coming home for the holiday, including several friends of mine.

One was a guy I had met in treatment back in '84. We had stayed in touch even though he had stayed sober and I had not (I actually went and got drunk the night I got out of treatment). Matt was coming back from a short deployment and I decided to go meet his ship.

Seeing him for the first time since treatment was a shock for me. He had stayed sober, and looked the part. His huge grin and strong hug greeted me. His eyes were clear. He looked so, so healthy. I was blown away.

We were able to set a time to grab a bite to eat. As I nervously drank my pitcher of beer he caught me up on the past year since leaving rehab. I could not believe the change in him. What was clearly obvious was that he was happy. As he talked with me he constantly smiled. He was truly happy without alcohol.

Back to Christmas Eve. I spent a couple hours with family friends and enjoyed the wide variety of drinking options. As typical, I was soon drunk. There was a lot of drinking going on and I was right in the middle of it. I then decided it was time to go, and I climbed into my Chevy Citation to head back to Norfolk.

I woke up to a tapping on the window. The car window. I was cold. A nice looking guy was looking into my car. It took me a second to realize that he was a police officer. I rolled down my window. He immediately stepped back due to the stench coming out of my car. I had passed out, at some time had thrown up, had urinated on myself and for some reason he didn't like the smell.

As luck would have it I was parked in a bank parking lot. I had to move. I apologized. I didn't recognize where I was. Richmond? No, the handsome officer said. I was in Madison Heights, way WEST of Richmond, like more than an hour. I had the left the party to drive 1 1/2 hours EAST to get back to Norfolk. I have no idea how I ended up in Madison Heights and I had no memory of anything after the party.

The officer told me about a YMCA where I could wash up and mentioned a local meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous. As if, I thought.

I went to a gas station, washed up, grabbed a bottle of Boones Farm wine (my favorite) and started the drive back to Norfolk.

I felt sick. I felt like I wanted to die. A few more hits of the wine and I would be OK. Once back in Norfolk I would be fine.

Thank you for reading. I am truly grateful. This is not a part of my life that I have shared with most people but I wanted to in my desire to talk about alcoholism in our communities. Every alcoholics' story is different and each alcoholic reaches a point in which they cannot stop drinking no matter what.  More to come.

20 years without Felix

Every once in a while I think about the old days. Specifically my thoughts go to a dance bar in Norfolk and my head fills with songs from New Order, Madonna, Yaz, Depeche Mode, Erasure and Dead or Alive. I close my eyes and see a dance floor filled with men, and remember many faces of old friends.

As the 90's began, more and more of those men lost their battle with HIV/AIDS.

I still remember so many of them like it was just this past weekend that we danced, went to a meeting, had dinner or went to a drag show.

One of those who lost his battle was my dear friend Felix. He died on July 6, 1992. It's difficult to believe that he has been gone for 20 years.

Felix was one of the most loving, caring, fun and kind men I have ever met. When he passed away, the world changed. My world definitely changed. Gone was a the man who taught me so much, mainly about love and friendship. He taught me how to love everyone. And if you have ever gotten a hug from me, the hug that holds hard and lasts a bit longer than your average hug, well I got that from Felix. A lot of who I am today came from or was inspired by Felix.

There have been very few days in the last 20 years that I haven't thought of him. I carry a drawing of him at AIDS walks. I often think about how he would react to a person or situation. And I am always totally grateful for having known him.

In 1992, Felix was one of over 40,000 people in the US, the majority gay men, who died from complications caused by AIDS. It would be a couple of years yet until the drug cocktails came around and saved the lives of hundreds of thousands. Nevertheless, over 17,000 people in the US died from complications due to AIDS in 2010.

I remember Tidewater AIDS Crisis Taskforce in Norfolk, VA and the many times I was there to help, to drop off a wheelchair, to get a prescription, to see a friend perhaps for the last time. I remember seeing the list of those who had died in the last week or month, and the many hours spent in hospitals. (TACT is now Eastern Virginia AIDS Network http://evanva.org/ )

And, back to this anniversary, I remember Felix. My dear, loving friend whom I still miss so much 20 years later. I know many of you have experienced loss. And I know the loss is always felt. How fortunate was I to know Felix!

Thank you for reading my blog post. This one was one of my toughest as my eyes fill with tears. My email address is vegandude@msn.com if you would like to share thoughts that you don't want to put in the comments section.

Building bridges

In 1993 a group of Baptist churches in southeast Virginia paid for a full-page add in the Virginian Pilot, the largest paper in southeast Virginia, to make it clear that they believed homosexuality was an abomination and that all practicing homosexuals were going to hell. They paid for this add because there had been some confusion as to whether all of their churches were on the same page regarding homosexuality based on an article the week prior in the same newspaper.

Gay, but not completely out of the closet, I joined several dozen protesters one Sunday morning in front of Norfolk Baptist Church to speak out against the ad and against spending so much money on an ad like that when the money could have been used to serve the less fortunate (or something like that). It was a bitter cold day and the church invited us in to get warm. The press interviewed me and that evening and all the next day I was all over the news with my comments.

Comments based on love in my heart for all people and a conversation I had just had with a family from the church. We chatted as they were leaving and the father said something that has stuck with me ever since: "We all have more in common than not".

How true, and part of our mission at The Gay Vegans and at Cruelty-Free World is to promote that idea. It is the opposite idea of trying to demonize someone with whom you disagree.

I came face to face with that idea with reaction to my recent blog about the rodeo.

Since starting this blog back in June I have received a lot of feedback. Many people disagree with what I write, whether it's animal rights activists saying I don't write strongly enough against non-vegans, people who have to clarify that they are not anti-gay because they believe I am going to hell (yet think I'm a great guy otherwise), or people who get mad for writing against something they have lived with their entire lives.

Take away their one or two opinions to which we disagree and then we can start the bigger list of things we can agree on, and in the even bigger picture, work together to make the world a better place for all living beings. And in the end, I believe most people support equality, condemn cruelty to animals, and are against discrimination in any form.

We all have more in common than not.

Thanks for reading.