In loving memory of Luca the cat

Luca

It's been about 17 years since I last saw Luca.

This morning I got a connection request on LinkedIn from an old friend in Norfolk. In his note he reminded me who he was and that him and his girlfriend at the time had adopted Luca from me. He was connecting to let me know that Luca had passed away at the age of 18 last week.

I found Luca in a garbage can at my work at a hotel in Norfolk. He was one of a couple of cats my co-worker Tina and I rescued. Luca came home with me. Well, to my partner's home where our two other cats lived.

I was concerned that Dupont and Lollipop would not let Luca eat. My how I was surprised when Luca was the one who perched over the food bowl, not allowing them near the bowl!

Luca was a love. He ended up in my apartment so all three cats could eat and live in peace. It was never my intention to keep him, and as many of you know from your own experiences, I fell in love with Luca during the few weeks he stayed with me.

The time came when I found him an amazing home with Mike and Kathleen. Luca lived with Mike for the rest of his life.

I wanted to share this story with all of you because I know that many of you, like Mike and I, do a lot of fostering and rescuing of companion animals. I loved learning about Luca, that he had had an amazing live with an extremely loving family. I loved looking at all of the photos of him being adored and living with people that treated him like family. What more could I have asked for the day I dropped him off.

The animals we rescue and find homes for go on to live awesome lives. For those of you who do this kind of work, keep doing it. Sweet lovers like Luca depend on it.

Thanks for reading!

The 17 year vegan

This past January was my 17th anniversary of becoming vegan.

The final step for me was Ben and Jerry's Cherry Garcia ice cream. I had one more pint of it and then was ready.

For vegans, the world was completely different from today. For starters, there was no vegan Amy's mac-n-cheese. There was no Eat Pastry cookie dough and no Mercy for Animals. No vegan food blogs and no cool kale tshirts. There might have been some type of vegetarian festival happening somewhere but certainly not in my part of Virginia. (In fact, there was an annual animal conference in Norfolk, VA!)

The cowards who abuse and torture animals were still pretty much free to do so. It's only been in very recent times that felony charges have been brought against workers in the animal production world for cruelty to animals.

My reasons for becoming vegan were not radical, although many thought my decision to become vegan was radical. I simply had learned enough about what happens to animals that made me realize that I did not want to be part of anything that involved harming another living being. My thought process became one that surrounded the idea that every action I took would be one that would do as least harm as possible to other living beings.

I asked a lot of questions. I went to a lot of potlucks. I read a lot of books. Believe it or not, there was no internet (in my life at least) at that time. My learning about how to be a healthy vegan came from interacting with healthy vegans.

It's not perfect. And it grows. The vegan I am today is different from the vegan I was back in January of 1996. I know that although Pepsi and potato chips are vegan, I don't want to consume them all of the time. I have learned that veganism is a path, and my path of veganism does not have to look exactly like yours. I have learned that people go vegan for different reasons, and those that remain vegan for the most part are those who chose veganism because of the animals. I have learned that my veganism threatens other people, even though it really doesn't have to. And one of the big things I have learned, and experienced, is that becoming vegan is like becoming reborn in the food world. I have enjoyed so many different types of foods that I doubt I would have even considered trying had I not become vegan. The African Peanut Stew I made the other night is a great example.

I learned that I can get along with pretty much anyone out there, that we all have more in common than not. I also learned that harsh words, judgements and unkind actions towards me are unacceptable. One does not have to agree with me or even like me, but I don't give permission to those people to treat me any less. This includes everyone. I am not a Focus on the Family type of vegan or activist, meaning that I am not going to attack you just because we disagree. I am also not going to simply shut up. 

So at 46 (very close to 47) I am just as excited to be vegan as I was when I was 29 (yes I was 29 at one time). I  can only imagine what the next 17 years will bring for veganism and for animals who are tortured, beaten and live in fear just to become food. Or those who live their entire lives in a cage so that humans feel better about the medicines they pump into their bodies. Or the animals who die every day just because some coward has the capacity to kill them, usually without any consequences.

Meanwhile, I will continue on a path of compassion, tolerance, love and bridge building. I will continue to try to be a voice for the voiceless, all of the voiceless. I will continue to learn. And I will definitely continue to engage other in this world of blogging.

Thank you for reading. Will you please pass the kale?

The beginning of the end (Part II)

Just in case you did not read the first part of this series, these posts are about my end days in active alcoholism. I decided to finally write about this and walk through my fears of letting all of our readers know about this as I continually see alcoholism and addiction take it's toll on activist communities.

Christmas Eve I decided to drive to Midlothian, VA and go to a party held by old family friends. Midlothian is just west of Richmond, not too far of a drive from Norfolk.

The week prior had been full of activity as the largest naval base in the world filled up for the holidays. Many people were arriving on ships coming home for the holiday, including several friends of mine.

One was a guy I had met in treatment back in '84. We had stayed in touch even though he had stayed sober and I had not (I actually went and got drunk the night I got out of treatment). Matt was coming back from a short deployment and I decided to go meet his ship.

Seeing him for the first time since treatment was a shock for me. He had stayed sober, and looked the part. His huge grin and strong hug greeted me. His eyes were clear. He looked so, so healthy. I was blown away.

We were able to set a time to grab a bite to eat. As I nervously drank my pitcher of beer he caught me up on the past year since leaving rehab. I could not believe the change in him. What was clearly obvious was that he was happy. As he talked with me he constantly smiled. He was truly happy without alcohol.

Back to Christmas Eve. I spent a couple hours with family friends and enjoyed the wide variety of drinking options. As typical, I was soon drunk. There was a lot of drinking going on and I was right in the middle of it. I then decided it was time to go, and I climbed into my Chevy Citation to head back to Norfolk.

I woke up to a tapping on the window. The car window. I was cold. A nice looking guy was looking into my car. It took me a second to realize that he was a police officer. I rolled down my window. He immediately stepped back due to the stench coming out of my car. I had passed out, at some time had thrown up, had urinated on myself and for some reason he didn't like the smell.

As luck would have it I was parked in a bank parking lot. I had to move. I apologized. I didn't recognize where I was. Richmond? No, the handsome officer said. I was in Madison Heights, way WEST of Richmond, like more than an hour. I had the left the party to drive 1 1/2 hours EAST to get back to Norfolk. I have no idea how I ended up in Madison Heights and I had no memory of anything after the party.

The officer told me about a YMCA where I could wash up and mentioned a local meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous. As if, I thought.

I went to a gas station, washed up, grabbed a bottle of Boones Farm wine (my favorite) and started the drive back to Norfolk.

I felt sick. I felt like I wanted to die. A few more hits of the wine and I would be OK. Once back in Norfolk I would be fine.

Thank you for reading. I am truly grateful. This is not a part of my life that I have shared with most people but I wanted to in my desire to talk about alcoholism in our communities. Every alcoholics' story is different and each alcoholic reaches a point in which they cannot stop drinking no matter what.  More to come.

20 years without Felix

Every once in a while I think about the old days. Specifically my thoughts go to a dance bar in Norfolk and my head fills with songs from New Order, Madonna, Yaz, Depeche Mode, Erasure and Dead or Alive. I close my eyes and see a dance floor filled with men, and remember many faces of old friends.

As the 90's began, more and more of those men lost their battle with HIV/AIDS.

I still remember so many of them like it was just this past weekend that we danced, went to a meeting, had dinner or went to a drag show.

One of those who lost his battle was my dear friend Felix. He died on July 6, 1992. It's difficult to believe that he has been gone for 20 years.

Felix was one of the most loving, caring, fun and kind men I have ever met. When he passed away, the world changed. My world definitely changed. Gone was a the man who taught me so much, mainly about love and friendship. He taught me how to love everyone. And if you have ever gotten a hug from me, the hug that holds hard and lasts a bit longer than your average hug, well I got that from Felix. A lot of who I am today came from or was inspired by Felix.

There have been very few days in the last 20 years that I haven't thought of him. I carry a drawing of him at AIDS walks. I often think about how he would react to a person or situation. And I am always totally grateful for having known him.

In 1992, Felix was one of over 40,000 people in the US, the majority gay men, who died from complications caused by AIDS. It would be a couple of years yet until the drug cocktails came around and saved the lives of hundreds of thousands. Nevertheless, over 17,000 people in the US died from complications due to AIDS in 2010.

I remember Tidewater AIDS Crisis Taskforce in Norfolk, VA and the many times I was there to help, to drop off a wheelchair, to get a prescription, to see a friend perhaps for the last time. I remember seeing the list of those who had died in the last week or month, and the many hours spent in hospitals. (TACT is now Eastern Virginia AIDS Network http://evanva.org/ )

And, back to this anniversary, I remember Felix. My dear, loving friend whom I still miss so much 20 years later. I know many of you have experienced loss. And I know the loss is always felt. How fortunate was I to know Felix!

Thank you for reading my blog post. This one was one of my toughest as my eyes fill with tears. My email address is vegandude@msn.com if you would like to share thoughts that you don't want to put in the comments section.

Going vegan

This blog has given me the opportunity to meet many people who have recently begun the vegan path. It has been wonderful getting to know people as they decide to take their overall compassion and make it include what is on their dinner plate.

I have been vegan for 16 years. My how time flies when you're having fun!

The process is pretty much the same, with a TON of more vegan options these days! When I became vegan the typical "veg" option in a restaurant was a portabello mushroom sandwich. I had so many of them back then that these days I stay away from them.

What helped me in the early days was trying to connect with other vegans and checking out what they ate. I was fortunate to have started out in Norfolk, VA where there were already potlucks and an annual animal rights conference (that just so happened to be at the hotel I worked at!).

It was a process. I was extremely fortunate that I didn't have a battalion of people judging me at every step. The folks I turned to were compassionate towards all living beings, including humans. They offered support, recipes, ideas, and a way of life that has never stopped giving back more to me than I could possibly give.

These days when people ask for help I try to keep it simple. Watch what you eat (Capt'n Crunch is vegan), Try cooking at home more often. Check out vegan cookbooks and pick your favorite. Find a potluck or a meetup. Ask the manager at the grocery store you shop to carry items that will support your new path. Go online and read blogs (like this one!), especially those that have recipes and ideas around what kinds of foods to make sure you include in your meals. We have links here to many such blogs.

Finally, I want anyone thinking about going vegan to know that we have met vegans from all parts of the country (and the world), from small towns to big cities, in the most rural place in the South to Alaska. Wherever you are it is indeed possible to do this!

Thanks for reading! I'd love to hear from you: vegandude@msn.com