Forgiveness rocks

As we are fortunate to have readers from all over, we get to hear about what is going on in activist, especially animal rights activist, communities around the country and around the world.

Unfortunately the news isn't always good. We often here of communities that are fractured because one person doesn't get along with another, then terrible things are said, and done, people take sides and before the community knows it they have one big mess. She said that. He did that. I can't believe that they are like that. Those others are truly crazy and this is why.

Whew.

It's a shame for sure. The focus is more on fighting each other rather than on fighting those who do disgusting things to animals. Billions are suffering. The fight against that suffering is how many of us met. For the animals.

I wish this could stop.

I have issues with folks too. Recently I forgave a person who approached me and apologized for some things she had said about my sexuality several years ago. I accepted her apology. I won't be hanging out with her, but I forgive her.

I haven't ever slammed someone or been critical of them because of their sexuality (well, I might have been just a tad harsh once with a friend in the Navy who just wasn't gay, no matter how much I wanted him to be!) but I for sure have said things that I later regret.

Forgiveness is powerful stuff.

I know a lot of these issues that people have with each other are not necessarily simple to resolve. Yet they have to be resolved.

In the late '80's and early '90's 40+ thousand people were dying every year of HIV/AIDS. It was a battle to not only stop the disease but to care for our friends and family and community. I remember those days well. Not everyone always agreed or got along. That's an understatement. People were dying every day. Some days all we could do was try to make them comfortable. And there were all the attacks coming from outside of our community by the right wingers. My goodness.

If what was going on now in some animal rights communities was allowed to happen then, I know the epidemic would have been much worse. More suffering. More death. Total disruption of community.

It doesn't have to be like that.

We can reach our hands out in peace. We can gather as a community to fight animal cruelty. We can apologize. And we can forgive.

Thanks for reading!

No gifts, thank you.

I am super grateful to all of my family who, for years now, have donated to a local animal shelter or HIV/AIDS organization instead of getting us a Christmas gift. It's been at least ten years since my parents started doing this, and every time we are back in Michigan we get to see the results. The animal shelter in Bay City where my mom donates in our name even has a brick for me and Mike!

So many amazing organizations doing so much good work.

Every year around this time I like to write about this. It's pretty simple. We have the power to make an intense amount of change by asking our friends and family to donate to an organization we would support rather than get us a gift. I have altered that for some folks who insist on a gift as it's "what they want to do" to say that if you get us a gift, please make a donation of equal value.

Our friends and family have loved this. So have the small, local HIV/AIDS organizations and animal shelters.

Everybody gets a gift. Plus, those who love us get the chance to know us on a deeper level by being a part of supporting groups we support. And they get to learn why we support these groups.

Thanks for reading!

Another World AIDS Day - In Loving Memory

December 1st is World AIDS Day. I write about this every year. Typically one of the least read posts I write.

I'm not sure why.

AIDS changed my life. Forever.

I remember the dark days. One death, then another, then dozens more.

The year my dear friend Felix died, 1992, over 40,000 other people, mostly gay men, also died.

In memory of all of those beautiful people who lost their lives. I will never forget the horrible loss, the bigotry, the hate, the disgusting words from politicians. I will also never forget the incredible community that came together to fight AIDS and to fight the bigotry, or the huge amounts of love.

This post is in loving memory of everyone who lost the battle. It was indeed a battle.

And it is not over.

In 2010, 15,529 people in the U.S. lost their battle.

In 2011, just over 49,000 people in the U.S. became HIV-positive.

For me, World AIDS Day is always about remembering. I will always remember. I will remember their impact on my life, their love, their friendship, their hugs, their smiles, the impact they had on me and the world they lived in.

I will always remember.

Thanks for reading.

Another World AIDS Day

December 1st is World AIDS Day.

It is difficult for me to think about World AIDS Day without getting tears in my eyes.

So many died. And are still dying.

In 1992 when my best friend Felix died, over 40,000 others lost their battle.

This blog post is in loving memory of all of those we have lost AND with love to anyone who has ever been affected by HIV or AIDS.

Here is a link to the trailer of "How to Survive a Plague", an amazing movie about those early days in AIDS activism: http://youtu.be/wwhFS1mUaVY

AIDS is not over. And the bigotry that allowed so many to die is not gone.

PLEASE do not forget the ones we lost. Remember them. Say their name. Think of something wonderful about them. Tell your friends or family about them.

And then take action. Donate to your local HIV/AIDS group. Fight bigotry in any form. Promote prevention. Talk about sex. Tell your elected officials about someone you lost.

Thank you for reading.

20 years without Felix

Every once in a while I think about the old days. Specifically my thoughts go to a dance bar in Norfolk and my head fills with songs from New Order, Madonna, Yaz, Depeche Mode, Erasure and Dead or Alive. I close my eyes and see a dance floor filled with men, and remember many faces of old friends.

As the 90's began, more and more of those men lost their battle with HIV/AIDS.

I still remember so many of them like it was just this past weekend that we danced, went to a meeting, had dinner or went to a drag show.

One of those who lost his battle was my dear friend Felix. He died on July 6, 1992. It's difficult to believe that he has been gone for 20 years.

Felix was one of the most loving, caring, fun and kind men I have ever met. When he passed away, the world changed. My world definitely changed. Gone was a the man who taught me so much, mainly about love and friendship. He taught me how to love everyone. And if you have ever gotten a hug from me, the hug that holds hard and lasts a bit longer than your average hug, well I got that from Felix. A lot of who I am today came from or was inspired by Felix.

There have been very few days in the last 20 years that I haven't thought of him. I carry a drawing of him at AIDS walks. I often think about how he would react to a person or situation. And I am always totally grateful for having known him.

In 1992, Felix was one of over 40,000 people in the US, the majority gay men, who died from complications caused by AIDS. It would be a couple of years yet until the drug cocktails came around and saved the lives of hundreds of thousands. Nevertheless, over 17,000 people in the US died from complications due to AIDS in 2010.

I remember Tidewater AIDS Crisis Taskforce in Norfolk, VA and the many times I was there to help, to drop off a wheelchair, to get a prescription, to see a friend perhaps for the last time. I remember seeing the list of those who had died in the last week or month, and the many hours spent in hospitals. (TACT is now Eastern Virginia AIDS Network http://evanva.org/ )

And, back to this anniversary, I remember Felix. My dear, loving friend whom I still miss so much 20 years later. I know many of you have experienced loss. And I know the loss is always felt. How fortunate was I to know Felix!

Thank you for reading my blog post. This one was one of my toughest as my eyes fill with tears. My email address is vegandude@msn.com if you would like to share thoughts that you don't want to put in the comments section.

Make a February donation

Being gay and vegan, we have several different kinds of non-profits that we donate money to. Some are making the world a better place for animals, some for LGBTQ folk, and some for people with HIV or AIDS. All of them love getting donations in February.

Most non-profits get tons of donations in the last couple of months of the year. This make sense for people giving money, as they are feeling a little more generous and/or making donations for tax purposes. For the groups making the world a better place for all living beings, a donation in December is great. The same donation earlier in the year, when giving is low and needs remain the same (and for most groups we support the need is always rising), means even more.

As much as we try to be a voice for the voiceless every day, and as many actions as we might take to support animals being tortured and humans being discriminated against, there are many groups out there that are rocking it for the voiceless. Some of them are linked from our blog. Check them out. Look to see if it might be a convenient time to donate to one of these groups, or a group local to you making a difference.

Then donate. Give them the much needed funds they need to continue to rock it for the voiceless.

And don't think for a second that your donation of $10 or $25 is too small to make a difference. It all adds up, and every donation is important to the organizations out there making the world a better place for all living beings.

Honoring World AIDS Day

As a gay and vegan blogger, I have noticed that whenever I blog about HIV or AIDS, fewer people read my blog. I think for many poeple, AIDS is just not on their radar screen. Nonetheless, it's World AIDS Day and I couldn't not write about this day and HIV/AIDS.

AIDS has had a huge affect on my life. It is all very personal to me. The loss from AIDS has been deep, extremely sad, and has completely altered my life.

HIV/AIDS organizations say that in the US a person becomes HIV positive every 9.5 minutes. In 2011. The numbers are crazy. Here in Colorado over 200 people became HIV positive last year, a number that has not changed much in the past several years. Even worse, the stigma against people living with HIV or AIDS is just as strong as ever.

Meanwhile, here we are at another World AIDS Day. I have the constant list of friends and dear friends in my head that bring me to tears on this day, and other days. This blog would not be complete without mentioning Felix Godinez, one of my dearest friends ever, who lost his battle with AIDS on July 6, 1992 at the age of 30. The world changed that day. I count myself tremendously lucky to have known Felix and to have loved him. I think of him almost every day. If you have ever received a hug from me, well, I learned how to really hug from Felix. To hug someone like you mean it. 42,000+ other people in the US lost their battle with AIDS that same year.

Throughout the world today there will be marches, protests, candlelight vigils, concerts, speeches, tears, memorials. In Boulder the Denver Gay Men's Chorus will sing for Boulder County AIDS Project's annual World AIDS Day Concert. The concert is one of the most emotional events I have experienced in many years. Personal stories around HIV/AIDS from chorus members mixed with incredibly beautiful music.

As a vegan, human rights activist and animal rights activist, I learned much from the AIDS movement I was part of in the late 80's through the late 90's. I learned a lot from those with Act Up and Queer Nation. Speak out. Work with fellow activists rather than against them. Stand up. Civil disobedience. Getting in front of politicians at their community meetings and confronting them on their inaction.

In memory of all of those we have lost, no matter how long ago it was that we lost them. You are missed and we will not forget you. We are better people for having shared our lives with you.

Thanks for reading.

No gifts, thank you

It's black Friday. I am still full from the incredible vegan feast prepared by my husband yesterday, and decided to head out to grab a coffee, write, and correspond with all of the wonderful folks who have commented on past blog posts.

I don't plan on doing any shopping today. The few gifts I purchase these days will most likely come from a local shop.

As for me, please don't buy me a gift. Don't get me wrong, I love receiving gifts. The cute grin on Mike's face while I'm opening a gift from him is priceless.

The warm feeling I feel in my heart when a friend or family member makes a financial donation to a non-profit catapults me to gratitude and joy. For many years now I have asked my parents to not buy us gifts, and to instead make a donation to their local HIV/AIDS group or animal shelter. The beauty of my family is that they have done this, and local groups in Bay City, Michigan and White Lake, Michigan have benefited form the donations.

Mike and I have everything we need, and then some. With all of the causes we support, we are thrilled when we get a thank you card from a non-profit saying that a gift was made in our name. It's an amazing feeling to know that our friends and family have contributed to making the world a better place for all living beings. From animal shelters around the country, to small HIV/AIDS agencies, national gay rights groups and animal rights groups, our friends and families have supported them financially and at the same time completely loved and honored Mike and I by granting our simple request.

A $25 gift can make a wonderful difference. Locally or nationally, groups working in the trenches every day need financial support.

So join us! Imagine the impact we can make when asking to not receive a gift!

Thanks for reading!

Own YOUR activism

Ashton and Simon are completely relaxed at "home". They are the two dogs we are fostering. Ashton has his favorite chair and Simon sleeps with us. You get the idea.

As many of our readers know, fostering animals is one way Mike and I participate in our activism. I especially like the idea of animal rescue groups getting involved with an animal rights activist who is vegan. The conversations we get to have are endless, and the dogs we get to help in finding a new home change our lives.We find that there is still a HUGE disconnect between many who try to save companion animals and actually making a decision not to eat animals.

This week I read a Facebook post in which someone we respect wrote that she was ashamed of her local activist community for not supporting a vegan/animal rights film that was having an opening in her city.

I honestly do not think she was truly ashamed. Maybe disappointed. The deal for me is that I have met a zillion activists, mainly around animal rights, human rights, marriage equality, and HIV/AIDS. Each one of them has her or his own definition of what being an activist is to them, and they express that in just as many ways.

Going to a protest. Volunteering at a shelter. Writing letters. Voting. Passing out leaflets/information. Wearing a message shirt. Having house parties to talk about your cause. Writing a blog. Participating in a boycott. Donating money. This list could go on and on.

Mike and I foster animals. We have this blog. We have vegan parties. We bring non-vegan folks scrumptious vegan food. We vote. We tell our non-vegan friends why we are vegan. We occasionally go to a protest. We use the word husband (to promote marriage equality). Some of our actions are simple. Some occur daily. Some require time. And of course some require money as we financially support groups making a difference.

We are and never will be in a position to judge what others do to help animals, to promote veganism, to end HIV, to bring about marriage equality, or to help the poor. That is just not who we are. And we believe it does nothing to help those suffering.

Meanwhile, Ashton and Simon are both napping. Remember, they both need a permanent home!

Another AIDS Walk in memory of Felix Godinez

This coming Saturday is the 24th Annual AIDS Walk Colorado, the largest HIV/AIDS fundraiser in the state.

Once again, I will be walking in memory of my dear friend Felix Godinez. My walk fundraising page is here just in case you would like to make a donation: http://tinyurl.com/3wjpm79 The money raised goes to support people living with HIV or AIDS in Colorado and to support HIV prevention campaigns. I am walking with and supporting the team from Boulder County AIDS Project.

My memories of Felix are part of my everyday life.

I can remember the singing like it was yesterday. “Star” by Erasure cranks from my bedroom stereo while Felix and I are singing and dancing to our hearts’ contents. At that time I had no clue that Andy Bell was gay or that one day our lives would be connected by HIV, yet his music touched me and was a part of my daily life.

Felix probably didn’t count Erasure as one of his favorite bands back in 1991, but nonetheless he realized that I loved them, and once I heard an Erasure dance song, there was no stopping me. So he would just join in.

The house on Estabrook was home. A bit emptier in the later part of ’91 as our housemate Tim (and Felix’s life mate) had lost his battle with HIV/AIDS in March of that year. Yet for us, as many others affected by HIV/AIDS, life went on.

On July 6, 1992, Felix lost his battle with HIV/AIDS after about a ten-day stay at Portsmouth Naval Hospital. He was 30 years old the day he died. That day I lost a dear friend, a brother, a man so loved in his community that a cloud of sadness engulfed us for weeks. Several days after his death, in a standing-room only space filled with people who loved Felix, I sat and listened as dozens of people told Felix’s story through their eyes and life experiences. I’d had many similar experiences and felt an overwhelmingly strong sense of gratitude that I had even
known him and been able to have him as a part of my life.

To have Felix as a friend would forever change your life. Felix loved everyone. He would do anything for anyone. He was the best friend you could ever have. If Felix hugged you, you felt hugged. And loved. And like someone cared about you and what was going on in your life. His laugh would echo through a room or our house. His presence not only changed my life, but also changed everyone who knew him.

Eighteen years after Felix’s death, I posted a note about him and the anniversary of his death on Facebook. Several people who knew him also posted a comment. I have also been contacted by old friends of Felix that I didn't know, like an old fraternity brother who told me that Felix's nickname was "Fish". We all remember him. I think about Felix on an almost daily basis -- not in sadness or
loss, but in gratitude and appreciation.

I remember Felix. Who do you remember? I walk in memory of Felix.

We’ve lost so many loved ones, and we continue to lose them. As the years go by, I have many times wondered if one day, the world would no longer know that Feliz Godinez lived; that he brought so much to this world; and that his death meant that we as a community had lost something so big that we would never be the same.

AIDS is not over. HIV transmission continues in large numbers not only here but throughout the US.

Thank you for reading this blog post. Here's that link to my walk fundraising page again: http://tinyurl.com/3wjpm79