Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Wedding rings & vegans

How important is a wedding ring? Does it really matter? After all, our marriage is not legally recognized in 44 states as well as on the federal level. In many realms we are called sinners, sodomites and abominations.

As I look at my wedding ring my eyes get watery thinking of my husband. Thinking of the hard-core love I have for him, our family, and the life we have created. Thinking of the gratitude I feel every day to be his husband. I think about the day we walked into a jewelry store and discussed the rings we wanted to exchange at our wedding. And the day we picked them up! The day I put Mike's ring on his finger is a day I will always remember.

On a daily basis I am reminded that there are people who feel strongly against Mike and I, and our relationship, and certainly our marriage. Today I read a Facebook post from a fellow animal rights activist saying that he respects gay folk but not what we do (I am generalizing his post). He posted on the page of an animal rights group, who then deleted his post. Whether his post should have been deleted or not might be the topic of another blog post!

I wanted to respond to his original post (we know of his post based on other posts) and let him know that I respect his views on animal rights and that I don't really care about his views on my relationship, let alone the fact that I even exist! I have heard ALL of them. I don't necessarily believe one is hateful when expressing them (a point brought up in this same grouping of posts). I guess it's how one expresses their message more than what the message is. I have met wonderful people who in their hearts believe that my marriage is wrong.

As veganism grows, as more and more people embrace compassion with their food choices, the movement itself becomes more diverse. And yes, that includes the presence of even more people who are, for whatever reason, anti-gay. (Not to say that there haven't been anti-gay folks around before now!) Just to be clear, as loving as I try to be towards all, if you believe that as a gay married couple Mike and I deserve less from any government level of benefits then I consider you to be anti gay. I don't care about your reasoning or what book you read to "support" your being anti-gay. We deserve the same as any heterosexual married couple, pure and simple.

Within animal rights and veganism, it all comes down to being a voice for the voiceless. Those beautiful creatures who suffer every day need our voices. If we look at each other as equals and not try to lessen each other for any reason, then our voice will be louder and stronger.

Thanks for reading! If you're in Colorado and coming to the Sustainability Fair in Fort Collins this weekend we'll see you there. Booth 429!


  1. "We deserve the same as any heterosexual married couple, pure and simple."

    Yes, yes!!

    "If we look at each other as equals and not try to lessen each other for any reason, then our voice will be louder and stronger."

    This is such a strong statement and so, so true. You're awesome, Dan!

  2. Thanks for such an awesome post. I will spread it far and wide.

    It never ceases to amaze me how many people will claim compassion for animals but fail to have compassion for their fellow man. Last time I checked, humans are animals, too.

  3. Some people are just .... I can't even think of a word. It is shocking when you run into views like those. I had a close member of my husband's family share similar views on this and I was fuming and gave her a piece of my mind. At the time we were trying to get pregnant and I told her, "Our future children may very well be gay, and I cannot have you trying to convince them they are anything less than wonderful." She fairly collapsed into tears and apologies, and while I know she still feels that gay marriage is wrong, she doesn't share her opinions on this openly now around the family.

    I believe wholeheartedly in turning right on to comments like that and making people face what they've said. And I think the straight community needs to take bold action on this every time it raises its ugly head. It's the only way to make it stop.

    I'm so sorry you have to deal with this time after time. You guys look like an amazing couple.

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