Looking at ourselves

This past week sure has been eye opening for me. To read more on that go back one post and read "no homo". Through that post and conversation and comments that were a result of that post, I have realized things that are hard for me to stomach.

Forgive me while I just share some random thoughts.

I have been part of the vegan community for along time. I know we have our faults. A community filled with so much passion and compassion in trying everyday to decrease animal suffering is also a community as diverse as any other. We all come from from different parts of the country (and world!) and we all have our life experiences outside of being vegan.

Also, we all have different reasons for becoming vegan and participate in different levels of activism.

This isn't only in the vegan/animal rights communities. I find it in local politics, the LGBTQ communities I am part of as well as the homeless activist community I am proud to be a part of.

Regardless of what community we are a part of and are passionate for, we are a representative of that community. Like it or not, our actions and our life steps have an affect on what others may think of our community.

For me as a vegan and animal rights activist, I am very aware that I represent the billions of animals that suffer for food, fashion and entertainment. I am asked about that all of the time. If I am acting like an ass, and folks know I am vegan, it doesn't look good for the voiceless animals whom I am trying to help.

Racism, heterosexism, sexism, homophobia, hate, etc. have no place in the vegan/animal rights communities.

The more I wrote about "no homo" the more I learned how many people use the comment. People in the vegan/animal rights communities. It was totally disheartening.

Many times in my life I have to look in the mirror and take a good look at who I am and what I am doing. My language, my behavior. How does someone feel about veganism after an encounter with me? Do my posts, tweets and comments reflect well for the voiceless?

I don't like when I hear homophobic comments at vegan events. I don't like realizing that there is acceptability by vegan athletes around the term "no homo".

So I speak out against it. I let folks know that what they are saying is offensive.

And then I go back to that mirror and take a good look at myself.

Thanks for reading and thanks for being a voice for the voiceless.

"No homo"

I had to take many deep breathes before the anger in me subsided enough to write a post about "no homo", a phrase I became aware of yesterday while checking out photo comments of a vegan athlete on Instagram.

For background here, I follow several athletes on Instagram. Many times I "like" their photos as they inspire me. On Instagram I'm TheGayVegans so it is obvious that a gay guy is "liking" their photo. 

A friend of this person was giving him a compliment about his body and preceded his compliment with "no homo". I didn't know what that meant so asked. Another person answered me telling me it's a way for a guy to give another guy a compliment while making sure the guy knows he isn't being hit on.

Seriously. This really happens. In fact it is common.

The person whose photo I had been looking at also answered my question, saying that his friend was a lifelong friend and meant nothing homophobic about the phrase and in fact was a big supporter of equality.

The guy who answered me first responded to my response in which I said this was offensive, telling me that on some body building sites they even use a term "phaggot" and that "no homo" is common not only in the workout communities but also in many rap songs.

I was honestly blown away.

I thought about asking more questions, like if you and your friend have been friends for years why can't you compliment each other without the concern (as it seems it is indeed a concern) that either of you is gay? Or so what if one of you is gay? Or, what do homos say if they want to compliment you? Or, what do you say to a woman who you are complimenting but not hitting on?

Holy cow what the heck is wrong here?

The guy who wrote "no homo" on his friends comment area told me that in no way did he mean to offend me and he apologized. I believe him. 

I believe that the guys I am writing about do not hate gay men. I take them on their word that they support equality. So what gives? Why do people like that feel like it is completely appropriate to use a phrase like "no homo".

One explanation made to me by the guy whose photo I was looking at was that yes, sometimes politically incorrect language is used.

Politically incorrect?

How about outright offensive. In so many ways.

I am asking you as our readers to spread this story around. I am asking you to stand with us and spread the word that "no homo" is unacceptable.

Our legal marriage Part II

Legally married!

Mike and I were legally married on February 14th at 4:31pm at Torrey Pines State Beach in San Diego.

Although we had already married in our church in 2005, and we both have said that this was just to make it legal, it was honestly one of the most amazing moments in my life.

The day before our ceremony we went to the San Diego County Clerk office to get our marriage license. In California you have to make an appointment for your license. We were both giddy. The clerk helping us was amazingly friendly, and there was a gay couple getting married by a judge. It couldn't have been any better. A world where two men getting a marriage license was no big deal.

Getting our marriage license!

The next day we were fortunate to be able to hang out with Lisa all day, and Jim took half a day off and joined us mid-day. We got dressed in our Hawaiian wedding shirts and off we went to the ocean.

A few minutes before the ceremony a thick fog rolled in and took a very sunny day and made it definitely not sunny. But it was gorgeous.

Just after the ceremony when we could see the sun again.

We gathered with our friends Jim and Lisa and their children as Jim prepared to marry us. I was

nervous. Ten years with Mike and nine years being married to him and I was nervous.

The ceremony was incredible. Jim was the perfect person to legally marry us and brought all of his love and compassion to the ceremony.

After a couple of poems and a couple of Bible passages read, Mike and I shared our vows.

I was in tears on and off. I was finally legally marrying the love of my life. My best friend. My good and perfect gift from God.

To all of you who have sent so much love our way, thank you! And thank you for reading this!

Let freedom ring

I remember the first time I heard a religious extremist in the US call herself a patriot. And those agreeing with her hateful rhetoric also called themselves patriots.

Religious extremists in the US like to talk about things like that, and use words like freedom and liberty often.

Many of them point to Jesus as they use hate speech to condemn gay people or anyone who might support equal rights for gay people.

I was thinking of this today when reading about the governor of Missouri who supports a bill that is friendly to gay people in his state. A state senator has called for his impeachment.

Read comments on any story about gay marriage or some of the recent rulings around state constitutional bans of gay marriage and you can see that hatred towards gays and lesbians is strong, and very much alive in our country.

Most folks show this type of hatred in the name of Jesus. They say they love Jesus so they have to treat their gay and lesbian brothers and sisters in despicable ways. They have to call us names and treat us in a manner that quite frankly is hurtful.

Faggot. Homo. Pervert. Deviant.

In the name of Jesus. In the name of freedom and liberty.

Marriage equality is happening. It's right, it's just, and it's all about freedom and liberty.

One can have opinions against marriage equality, but one cannot force others to live within those opinions. What some call religious freedom I call bigotry because their religious freedom doesn't include me or my religious beliefs.

This is personal to me. I am in a state that I do not live in to get legally married to the love of my life because we cannot get legally married in our own state. Our marriage here in California won't even be recognized in Colorado. Yet.

It will one day. Soon I believe. With all of the fighting against marriage equality the reality is that it's going to happen. That the millions of dollars spent to stop marriage equality and the extremism expressed to discourage marriage equality will all result in equality throughout our amazing nation.

To all of those who support equality, thank you. And please keep voicing your opinion. Call out bigotry in any form. In a loving way of course.

We all have more in common than not.

Thank you for reading.